DEAR MR. FRIDAY MORNING BLOGGER

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Dear Mr. Friday Morning Blogger,

Ummm.... What the hell are you doing? You seriously are going to try to come up with something witty and humorous about sports right now? Do you understand what my thumping means? That little vein on the side of your forehead that keeps pounding and pounding? It means you spent the entire evening trying to drown me away like I don't exist. It means that I am not completely functional right now and your ability to come up with coherent interesting thoughts just ain't gonna work right now.

Let's do some calculations here. 1 Tequila Shot, 1 Soco shot, 1 Jaeger shot, and the fuck I know how many Vodka and Gin and Tonics + those two Summer Ales at the ole apt after the bar were a brilliant choice in retrospect, don't ya think. It's fuckin February I don't think you got those beers shipped from Australia. You know what that equals, me not working. Me pissed off that you even for a second contemplated coming up with a blog post about some friggin sports story I don't give two shits about right now. I just want to sit back and stare blanking at the PC making it appear to coworkers that I am doing something important. I don't want to fuckin blog or do actual work because I'm flooded with Smirnoff and Tanqueray.

Fuck it, let's write about being hung over. That'll get me over some of my inherent anger. And get me some more god damn Tylenol and start loadin up on the water before we have another evening of drinking 4 shots and 10 drinks that taste like pine needles. But Can We Please at least Avoid the Tequila Shot Tonight, we don't need anymore Mexican Devil Piss in our system.

Thanks,
Your Brain

PS. At least it's Friday and no one expects you to be productive at your actual job.