LIVE AT THE HOSERDOME, FEB. 14

by Neate Sager, Out Of Left Field

With all sympathies to Richard Zednik, it's been a slice (what, too soon?): Hockey players acting like ballplayers, curling can sweep in more viewers than the NHL, plus hockey's answer to Don Zimmer.

Pitchers and catchers reported to major-league training camps in Arizona and Florida this week, and in honour of that, a couple NHLers ripped off a couple time-honoured traditions from the diamond game -- slagging a Canadian city and getting arrested in Florida.

Stick to your own sport: First off, American defenceman Joe Corvo, who's one of those guys who grows a faux-hawk to try and hide the fact he's going bald, waited until after he was traded from Ottawa to Carolina to slag his former home city. If only he could assert himself that way when he's playing the point on a 5-on-3 power play, he'd still be with the Senators.

Corvo's complaint was that there's too much media coverage in Ottawa. Hey, if he doesn't like it, he can work for the fraction of his $2.75-million salary that his skills are actually worth. It would be worth getting offended over if Corvo, to quote Ricky on Trailer Park Boys, was a little more book-smarted. Corvo is the same genius who couldn't name the Prime Minister of Canada during a TV interview last year. Hey, it's not like he was playing in the country's capital city.

Then there were Ryan O'Byrne and Thomas Kotsopoulos of the Montreal Canadiens, who were arrested outside a Tampa nightclub after one was accused of stealing a woman's purse. They just couldn't wait for pitchers and catchers to report so they could share a laugh at someone else's misfortune.

The one person that was happy about the two Habs getting thrown in the pokey was NHL commissioner Gary Bettman. He can throw it in the face of anyone who claims hockey players can't even get arrested in the States.

Bye-bye Jovanovski, hello Bon Jovi: No word of a lie ... there's a chance NBC might drop the NHL and replace it with, wait for it, a reality show about curling.

The NHL on NBC is averaging a 0.8 rating, Canadian media reported Wednesday. It can't be for nothing that this came two days after the Peacock network revealed it has an option to develop ("option to develop" -- I'm such a player!) a show called Rockstar Curling that would probably air on weekends. One hook might be that NBC would be a couple musicians to be part of the show, meaning you could watch Jon Bon Jovi make a fool of himself without having to pay for parking.

The show would offer its winners a chance at competing in the U.S. qualifier for the 2010 Olympics, which gives them a better chance of winning a medal than the Toronto Maple Leafs have of winning the Stanley Cup.

Losing a season was so nice, hey, let's do it twice: The invaluable mc79hockey ("where everyone gets a contract extension") is "starting to suspect, more and more, that the next labour fight might be the worst one yet." From the sounds of it, it's going to be 1994-95 in baseball all over again, with the real war being between the top-paid players and the lunch bucket guys. Sorry to harsh the buzz with a semi-serious note.

Last, and certainly least: Remember when Stephen Colbert was on his Saginaw Spirit kick last winter and said of the Kingston Frontenacs (my hometown team), "I don't know what a Frontenac is, but I think it's French for, 'bend over and take it like a man.' " It took a year and a half ... but 65-year-old coach and GM Larry Mavety showed the Frontenacs ain't nothin' to mess with when he stepped on the ice to try and fight the opposing coach. This actually happened.

Fortunately for Mavety -- perhaps the only junior hockey exec who's inspired a Fire Millen-esque blog -- the benches are on opposite sides of the ice at the ancient arena in Kingston, so there was no chance to get Pedro'd. The team is moving to a new arena next week, where the benches are on the same side. May God have mercy on all opposing coaches -- once Mavety returns from an indefinite suspension.

Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.