MATCH.COM MONDAYS: PAU GASOL

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: Pau Gasol!
Display Name: MemphisBlows16
Status: Online now!

* age: 27
* seeking: A Championship, or a speedy razor. Whichever comes first.
Relationships: A short lived one with Rudy Gay, but then I realized all he's good for is the dunk.
Have kids: In Spain, we welcome many wives and many children. I'm not sure how many I have... or desire.
Ethnicity: Burly and mangled
Body type: Hairy
Height: 2.13 Meters
Religion: ZEN
Smoke: Uncontrollably
Drink: Gin and Tonic, with a splash of bears urine

My Job:
The new center for the Los Angeles Lakers. I'm here to return the purple and gold to the promised land, and give Jack Nicholson one more chance to party before he kicks the bucket. (I enjoyed that movie, it reminds me of the Old Days in Memphis. Because everyday it felt as if I was dieing).

Favorite Hot Spots:
I am new to this area, and have not ventured far from the Staples Center and the local back rehabilitation center. But the usual hot spot is the women's vagina and the area between their breasts. If I could shrink to a small, small man and reside in these areas, and install a basketball hoop for recreation, I'd say "sign me up, me gusta".

For Fun:
I like to go to College Campus' every once in a while and sit in on large lecture halls. And just when the professor is talking about a subject of large importance for a test, I like to drop one of the loudest farts you'll ever hear. And then I just stand up and yell "WHOOOO! HOW 'BOUT THEM CARDINALS?". Does it make any sense? Fuck no, but it feels so damn good.

Favorite Things:
I like how the rim is only a foot taller than my head, I like backing down in the post, the musk of a man after he fondles your feet, Coach Jackson when he throws on that Jedi cloak, that feeling you get when you found a dress thats your perfect size, leather in my hand, and not getting arrested.

Dislikes:
The entire state of Tennessee, and how much they hate my country of Spain.

Last Read:
Tom's Myspace?

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
I need a ring on my finger, but not like marriage ya'know? Because there's no women (or man) burly enough for me out there. I'd eventually get bored with them, take them to a nice dinner (like Taco Bell), and dump them there by a throwing of hot sauce to the face. It is a ritual practiced by my people's. So you're probably asking is there a reason to be on Match.com? Well, how else do you think Kobe found me?