THE PUSSIFICATION OF AMERICA

by T, The Angry T

The word overreaction has been redefined based on the actions of the Appleton, Wisconsin fire department. In response to finding two drunk students, passed on in a dorm bathroom at Lawrence College, the fire department was called and the dorm was evacuated. The fire fighters, doing their best impressions of Dustin Hoffman in Outbreak, threw on the bio-hazard suits and braved the potentially toxic environment, only to find the two passed out students who were not dead, but rather drunk. The "Pussification" (everyone in this country becoming a pussy) of America is well under way people, and this ridiculous story is one of thousands like it. No one can be made fun of without having to stab or shoot the person that "disrespected" them. If the person who has been "wronged" doesn't stab or shoot, they complain to a higher authority, and the higher authority doles out some ridiculous punishment for something that years before wouldn't have been a big deal.

Three things are strike me as hilarious about this story. First, the nerd that found them in the first place had apparently never seen a drunk person before, or a sleeping person. If you found these people, wouldn't you examine the scene before you called the fire department, or sprinted to your RA? Ogre would have had a field day with this nerd. Second, did the fire department really have to throw on the haz-mat suits? The nerd that found that passed out people wasn't hurt and neither were the students that you evacuated from the building. Oh, I get it, you hadn't used the suits yet? They were new weren't they? You would have put on the suits if you were called to get a cat out of a tree. Third, how hilarious would it have been to see the fireman in the haz-mat suits wake up the passed out people? Imagine, you are drunk, and you pass out in the bathroom. Hours later, you are woken up by an alien looking creature in a large white suit, and he is poking you latex gloves. I might immediately pass out again if I saw that.

These people are Packers fans for god's sake, you would figure that they would have seen a drunk, passed out person once or twice in their life. But of course, we are becoming a country full of pussies. I guarantee that men will be wearing thongs in thirty years, and not the regular kind, but the kind that rides up really high and goes above your jeans.