TOP 10 MLB STORIES THAT MAKE HATERS SMILE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Curt Schilling may have career-ending surgery. Just don't tell New England fan. He's had a bad week.

9. Roger Clemens is staring down the barrel of apparent physical evidence linking him to steroid abuse. But shouldn't he get the benefit of the doubt, after 20 years of highly likely drug use?

8. Pedro Martinez was videotaped at a cockfight. But it's OK, he was just watching. I'm sure that PETA activists would have no interest in picketing in New York.

7. Don Mattingly's ex-wife was charged with disorderly conduct. If only because it makes Yankee Fan remember how things just never seem to work out for their favorite player.

6. Juan Gonzalez to try comeback with the Cardinals. Because they've never suffered by their association with a broken-down probable steroid abuser...

5. Andy Pettite speaks for 2.5 hours before Congress, and just like in the rest of his life, he came before Roger Clemens. (What? I'm talking about the pitching rotation. Or, um, not.)

4. Chuck Knoblauch testifies. This is the part of the list in which I'm required to make a joke about how the Chuckster threw something erratically to comic effect. But I'd rather point out that Satan appeared in the visitors box, wearing a Twins cap while pointing and laughing.

3. Tom Glavine signs with the Braves. Big ups to Tommy for not noting that he's still been on their paycheck for the length of his time in New York.

2. Clemens' attorney compares his plight in life to the Duke Lacrosse Rape Trial. Absolutely, because just like in that case, most people will still hate the accused, regardless of their guilt or innocence...

1. Barry Bonds is still jobless. But on the plus side, this gives him more time to fight the federal indictment against him, which he has noted for its "striking inartfulness." (No, seriously.) Have the 'roids moved to his head?>