Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: TOP 11 INEFFECTIVE BASEBALL ENTRANCE SONGS


by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Presented as a public service for any aspiring MLB player, just about to report for spring training, who is wondering what not to use before his at-bats this year.

11. "Hit 'Em Up," Tupac Shakur. (Video is NSFW.) Do you really want to come to the plate with the song that inspired multiple homicides? Peace!

10. "Loser", Beck. Either the lyrics apply to you, or the pitcher -- so you either have no confidence, or the desire to take one in the ear. Try something from "Odelay" or "Guero" instead. really.

9. "Tainted Love", Soft Cell. Great song, but only if you have puffy hair and a Members Only jacket. Besides, no one needs to know about your forbidden love of 4Kevin Youkilis.

8. "Jesus Walks", Kanye West. In the immortal words of Alfredo Griffin, walks won't get you off the island, Hey, Zeus... swing the bat!

7. "I'm Not Ready To Make Nice," Dixie Chicks. Most baseball pitchers are a dangerous combination of redneck and bitter rich guy, so if they know anything about the Chicks, they may think you Hate America and aim for the head. You don't need to get on base that bad, do you?

6. "Dashboard" by Modest Mouse. Because the song's just too frickin' great. You can't match the brilliance of this song. So don't even try. I'm serious about this.

5. "I Love You," Barney the Dinosaur. Because it's a lie, and lies make Baby Hay Zeus cry.

4. "F*** And Run," Liz Phair. "Even when I was twelve" will just fill both you and the pitcher with a crippling sense of ennui, and make you remember all of the young girls you wronged in the past, you bastard of a man, you. And who wants that at the ballpark?

3. Anything by my old band, because we broke up, you know, and it's all just too painful to hear those songs right now, you know? Have a heart.

2. "My Heart Will Go On (Theme From "Titanic")", Celine Dion. No one will get that you're not being ironic. And if you are not being ironic, you're a scary, scary person.

1. "All Star", Smash Mouth. Not only are you not one, but you are also not getting a check from Disney or the fifty other places that those freaking whores sold this pie of drivel to. And all this after I got the tatto. Yes, I'm bitter.

3 comment(s):

Rupert Entwistle said...

Alright Shooter, you opened the door. Let's hear a tune from the old band!

Anonymous said...

Can't believe you've left out Rush's "Tom Sawyer," which lived on for 20 extra years as Edgardo Alfonzo's entrance music in SF. Course that music was ineffective primarily because it meant Fonzie was coming up. "His mind is not for rent," indeed.

Alpha Doug

rick@waitingfornextyear said...

Loser needs to be higher on the list! Great idea here...

Related Posts with Thumbnails