WHY I LOVE COLLEGE

by T, The Angry T

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, I love more than stories about college kids doing stupid stuff. Setting aside a possible trip to graduate school, my college career is over. I would like to offer this disclaimer for those students out there:

Your life will never be better than it is now. Once you leave the gigantic bubble that is college, your life will spiral quickly downward. The joys of financial independence, finding the love of your life, having children, blah blah blah will pale in comparison to your time in college. Never again will you have the freedom, lack of responsibility and easy access to young tail that you at school. When you leave campus for the final time, your life is officially over. Don’t you dare believe those pricks who graduate, come back to school and tell you what a great time they are having in the real world. They are either lying or they have deluded themselves to the fact that their new life is garbage. Well, enough about me and my god-awful existence, take a look at this story. I was almost this hungry once, it was back in college, and I was having a great time…(tear)…

I love British people. I love them most because they are 50 times more hardcore than we are in America. He wanted to drink so much that he swallowed a two inch key so he wouldn’t have to stop. This would only happen in college, people become huge pussies once they leave. “Dave, you wanna keep drinking?” No bro, I have work tomorrow. And because my life is awful, I have to leave the bar at 8 pm, after one beer, rather than the 18 beers I used to drink, while smoking a joint and doing coke off a strippers’ anus. Good god I miss college.