2008 MLB PREVIEW: A LETTER FROM TEXAS RANGER OWNER TOM HICKS

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Hello Fellow Texans,

I was told as the owner I should send out a message to all of our fans in the Dallas, Arlington, Fort Worth Area to get everyone pumped up about the season this year. So get pumped I guess. There's um lots to be excited about um if your a Rangers fan.

Every year I receive the same criticism from friends, family and fans a like, why don't I invest any money in pitching. You want to know why? Frankly pitching is boring. Do I really want to spend my hard earned cash on someone that is going to keep scoring below 6 runs a game? No. I don't want to be bored at the game, I want to see home runs hit. I don't particularly care which team hits them I just want to see them. So are pitching acquisitions should help accomplish that goal this season. We added Jason Jennings to the rotation. Jason had a spectacularly entertaining season with the Astros last year. He had a 6.45 ERA which is exactly what we are looking for. In addition we bring back to the rotation Vicente Padilla (5.76), Kason Gabbard (4.65), Brandon McCarthy (4.87) and of course our stud staff ace Kevin Millwood (5.16).

On the scoring note, sure we traded Big Tex to the Braves last year, but don't worry we brought in some excitement this offseason. We brought in Milton Bradley, which will of course lead to several board game nights at the stadium. You know to distract you from the actual game. Plus, he has a lot of potential to punch an ump this year, and that would be a good show if you were lucky enough to attend that game. Um, we also traded for Josh Hamilton. He's a heart warming story. He did boat loads of drugs but overcame it. So he kind of epitomizes the Rangers, throwing away years of talent. I guess the roster is closer to the coke years right now than the back in the major league years, but whatever it was probably a bad metaphor anyway.

Hmm what else is exciting about the 2008 Rangers. Oh yea, we signed some Japanese guy named Fukumori. Get it? He love you long time. That was a good one, it's like a permanent seasonal joke you can use all because I went out and signed him. That's why I'm your owner.

Hmm, other than that um, we bring back some of the same guys you've seen not make the playoffs for years. Hank Blalock and Michael Young get hits and score runs. Um, Ian Kinsler he's young, he was good last year. Our first baseman aren't good so I won't even mention them, maybe we'll have open tryouts for first base and DH. We'll see.

You know what else should bring you to games? Six Flags. We're right next to it. So if you want to leave during the 3rd inning after we're down by 7 or so runs, Six Flags is right across the street. And that's always fun. Additionally, if you come to games you can check out the new Cowboys stadium being built. That's right across the street as well. See the inherent benefits of traveling to 1000 Ballpark Way in Arlington. You've got roller coasters and sweet stadiums in a quarter of a mile space. Plus you have some good baseball teams to see. The Mariners and Angels should be good this year, we play them a lot. Plus we play Atlanta and Philadelphia at home in June, those are fun games. And in August and September we get to host the Tigers, Indians, Yankees and Red Sox. Those will be some important games for those teams playoff hopes. You'll want to be in Arlington for those.

Oh god who am I kidding this team is going to be boring as shit. But 2008 is still a very exciting year for me, Tom Hicks. Not really because of the Rangers of course, more cause Liverpool and my stud striker Fernando Torres just blew by Inter Milan in the champions league yesterday. You guys should really think about watching some football instead of the Rangers.

Just buy some damn tickets. I still have to pay all of these losers salaries you might as well chip in for charity purposes.

Go Liverpool,
Tom Hicks