MIAMI HEAT: HOW TO GET BAD IN A HURRY

by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

Pat Riley is definitely in need of some Alka-Seltzer.

Dwyane Wade should be glad that he gets to sport the suits every game after getting shut down for the season so his 26-going on-46 year old body doesn't take any more beatings.

Tuesday night, Miami got absolutely pumped in Toronto, falling to the Raptors 96-54.

54 points... the whole game. Golden State can put up 54 in a quarter and a half. Same with Phoenix. And it's not like the Raptors are defensive juggernauts or anything. So what gives?

The answer, of course, is that Miami is horrible. Like "I'm pretty sure a few teams fighting it out in the tourney right now could put a beating on them" horrible. I'd take UNC and UCLA over the Heat right now, no question.

What is truly scary is that just two short years ago, this was the best team in the league. It seems like eons ago, right? It wasn't.

2006 NBA Champions - Miami Heat

Now the only thing Miami is best at is getting their ass kicked on a nightly basis. This insanely rapid decent from the summit to the shithouse makes you wonder just how this happened exactly. It's actually quite simple really...

Acquiring Shaq in 2004 was a double-edged sword. Hopefully everyone knows that all ready.
The positive was the title that came in 2006. The negative, besides trading away two younger, above average players was Shaq's monstrous contract that left Miami more hamstrung than Ken Griffey Jr.

Problem #2 was the supporting cast used to produce that 2006 Championship season:

• Employee No. 8 was on his last legs - and they were out of shape legs at that.
• "One Last Kick At The Can" Gary Payton
• The Most Over-Hyped Point Guard in History Jason Williams
• Udonis Haslem, James Posey and Jason Kapono are the only other guys who got any burn

2007 actually proved the validity of "Problem #2," as injuries, age and the deteriorating talents of guys like Walker, Williams and Payton hampered the Heat all season long. They finished 44-38 and got swept in the first round by the Chicago Bulls. The defending champs didn't even manage a single win the next time around...

Instead of re-signing Posey and Kapono, Riles lets them skate. Two useful components of the 2006 bench gone, replaced with Smush Parker and Penny Hardaway. You read that correctly - Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway.

For his follow-up act, Riles sends a bunchy of spare parts and a conditional draft pick to Minnesota for two players he had given up on years earlier, Ricky Davis and Mark Blount. Getting rid of the dead weight ('Toine, Wayne Simien, Michael Doleac) was nice, but I bet the Heat would rather have that first round pick right about now.

You should know the story from here:

• Shaq is old and out of shape and hurt.
  
• Flash is perpetually hurt.
  
• Ricky Davis is still Ricky Davis.
• Mark Blount is still Mark Blount.
• Jason Williams is still not as good a basketball player as everyone thinks he is.
• Dorell Wright is a nice surprise and Udonis Haslem is still an All-Time Glue Guy, but that's about it.

The Diesel gets shipped to the desert for Shawn Marion and everyone thinks Miami has made the steal of the century, landing an all-around talent like "The Matrix" for the aging, arthritic remains of Shaquille O'Neal.

While the peripherals are nice - 11 boards, 2.5 assists, 2 steals, 1 block - shouldn't Shawn Marion be dropping more than 14 a game, especially with D-Wade out?

Of course, folks in the Miami area are optimistic about the future. A miserable season means a top draft pick, maybe even #1. But that is a big maybe. Ask the Boston Celtics.

Shawn Marion might re-sign. He might not though.

Either way, does a team of Wade, Marion and Rookie X get Miami back to the pinnacle in an improving Eastern Conference? If Rookie X turns out to be Rookie MB, maybe. Otherwise, no.

Has there been a faster fall from grace?
From World Champions to Worst Team in the League in two years.

Let this be a warning to all other General Managers - this is not the Miami Model you want to follow.

This is.