MLB SEASON PREVIEW: DETROIT TIGERS

by Isaac, The World of Isaac

Biggest Bitch on the Team....



Brandon Inge

His incessant whining in the off-season bothered Tigers fans so much that he has become Public Enemy No. 1. Now with the injury to Curtis Granderson, I fully expect him to lobby for the CF spot the rest of the year.

Most Likely to Gain Freshman 15 Before Memorial Day....



Miguel Cabrera

Hmmm? Signing a multi-million dollar deal before the season starts can only help this prediction.

Best Nickname....



D-Train (Dontrelle Willis)

Person in most need of a haircut...



Magglio Ordonez

Odds the WOI sees another No-Hitter....



ZERO

Once in a lifetime event.

Roid Rage Candidates.....

Gary Sheffield
Pudge Rodriguez


The Strange Joel Zumaya Injury Award goes to....



Joel Zumaya

First, he hurt he tore a tendon in his finger because he played Guitar Hero non-stop. And then he was "moving boxes"(cough cough fell of his ATV) and tore up his shoulder. Hell, at this point I fully expect iJoel to tell the team he wiped his butt too hard and got an anal fissure

Best Player You've Never Heard of



Marcus Thames

Yea, he sucks against right handers and he's like Pedro Cerrano cause he can't hit a curve ball, but man, you put this guy up against a lefty who tries to throw one by him and its out of the park. 44 HRs in two years as a part time player.

Coach most likely to smoke a pack of cigarettes when Todd Jones comes in the 9th inning



Jim Leyland

Odds of seeing a hot chick at Comerica Park



10:1

Considering that this number used to be 1000:1 when this team lost 119 games a few years ago, this is a vast improvement. Oh wait, this was supposed to be a Tigers Preview...my bad.


Inning you get sick of hearing the stupid Singing Hot Dog Guy

3rd







Prediction

With a 93-68 record, the Tigers head into a Sunday Afternoon game against the lowly Tampa Bay Rays needing a win to clinch the AL Wild Card. After building a 12-3 lead, Jim Leyland decides to go to the bullpen and give star pitcher Justin Verlander some rest so he can start him in the second game of the playoffs. He calls on Jason Grilli to relieve him in the 7th inning. With Zumaya on the mend for the season with a torn anal fissure and Fernando Rodney out with a torn labia, Leyland has nobody else to turn to as a set-up man. Grilli proceeds to walk the bases loaded and gives up a Grand Slam to former Tiger Carlos Pena. As Pena rounds the bases, he taunts the Tigers dugout and fans with "You should have kept me assholes".

It was Pena's 20th HR in September but only his 25th of the season. Its what we in Detroit like to refer to as a "Pena".

Still feeling comfortable with a five run lead in the 9th inning, manager Jim Leyland calls on veteran 40 year old closer Todd Jones.

After getting two deep fly outs to center, the Comerica Park fans rise to their feet in anticipation of another playoff berth. But Jones gives up a first pitch double down to the line to BJ Upton. Five batters later and Jones is still looking for that final out as the score now reads 12-11. Jim Leyland walks out to the mound, mumbles something underneath his breath to Jones and returns to the dugout. Shockingly, no one is warming up in the Tiger Bullpen. With a man on second and third and two strikes, Jones tries to throw an 88 mph fastball by Johnny Gomes. Way out in front of it because of the speed, Gomes hits a dribbler to third base. Brandon Inge, who came into as a defensive replacement for Miguel Cabrera charges the ball and throws an ill advised wild throw over 1B Carlos Guillen's head. Two Rays round the bases and the Tigers lose 13-12.

A Tigers fan named Isaac tried to storm the field to assasinate Jones and Inge but was restrained by Paws the Mascot.