MLB SEASON PREVIEW: THE CHICAGO FUK U DO ME'S

by Tony Riazzi, Pray for Mojo

As we begin what will no doubt be the well documented "season #100 since a championship" for the Chicago Cubs, they find themselves in an uncommon and perhaps even uncomfortable position- prohibitive division favorite.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story of the cursed Chicago Cubs, here's the cliff notes: 100 years ago a magic billy goat just wanted to hang out around Wrigley Field and eat the abundant garbage strewn about the surrounding area. Angry that he was asked to leave, the goat used his powers to put a magical curse on Wrigley Field and all who dwell in it, saying that as long as the stadium was in use people would slur their words and have short attention spans. Part of the curse also stipulated that for as long as the stadium stood, men would have to stand uncomfortably close to each other as they pissed into large metal troughs.

These curses still stand today, but despite that I have yet to see one season preview that does not have the Northsiders as their pick to take the NL Central. And rightfully so. Good pitching, solid bats and, a small personal bias here, the best manager in the game not named Joe Torre. But there are reasons for concern. Granted small ones, but considering who we're dealing with here, any concerns are major concerns.

Will Ryan Theriot be a good fit for the top of the lineup despite the fact that he gets on base even less than former ill-suited leadoff man Alfonso Soriano?

Will Ryan Dempster be able to hold 5 run leads in a starting role?

Will Jason Marquis' neck hold up as he watches pitch after pitch hit the firehouse on Waveland Avenue?

Will Kerry Wood hold up over a full season as the Cubs closer? And if by some crazy coincidence he gets hurt, will Carlos Marmol or Bob Howry be able to step in and take the ball in the 9th?

And perhaps the biggest question mark, how will new rightfielder, Japanese import Kosuke Fukudome, handle the pressure of 100 years of shit that he does not understand all while hearing Ichiro comparisons? Poor bastard doesn't even realize what he got himself into.

If he plays well, the Cubs filled one of their most glaring holes and children everywhere will giggle as their parents buy them a T-shirt bearing his name. If he does not, then he joins Hee-Sop Choi as far-easterners with funny names that have not panned out.

But my guess is that these concerns are merely something for fans to panic about before the season starts and everything goes as planned for the '08 Cubs. A couple of years ago this franchise kind of woke up and realized that they could spend absurd amounts of money and go after any players they wanted. While that has not always worked out for the best (See the aforementioned Marquis, Jason), it has resulted in a lot of key guys (Aramis Ramirez, Derek Lee, Soriano, Carlos Zambrano) being locked into long term deals, all but guaranteeing that it will be years before they are out of the picture in a perennially weak division.

Provided Big-Z doesn't meet his demise in a hot tub, and Soriano doesn't snap his spine while sneezing, and a black cat doesn't stare down D-Lee come September, the Cubs will win the division. Not as easily as some are predicting, but they will win it after being pushed all year by the resurgent Cincinnati Reds and the still incredibly young and talented Brew Crew.

Then comes the hard part: the playoffs. That's where, as generations of Cub fans know, the goat tends to really rear his ugly horns.