OFFSEASON MOVES YOU MISSED: DONTE' STALLWORTH IS A BROWN

by Zac, Throwing Into Traffic

About two weeks ago, I discussed here how I felt that the Patriots were losing a significant piece of their offensive puzzle when Donte’ Stallworth left (to those internet commenters who have said that Jabar Gaffney will pick up the slack, you’re wrong, and I’m pretty sure you’re related to Jabar Gaffney). Still, I felt that the move was more significant because of its affect on the Pats offensive scheme than because of anything to do with Stallworth as a player. Consider that completely changed by last week’s pickup by the Browns, who signed Stallworth at the end of what has been a high risk, but potentially high reward free agency period for the team.

Indeed, the Browns have clearly decided that if they don’t have a first round pick (they traded it away to Dallas last year for the right to draft second string quarterback, first string ironic homophobe Brady Quinn), then they might as well not even show up for the first day of the 2008 draft. The team sent their second rounder to Green Bay for Corey Williams, and packaged their third round pick into a trade for former Lions tackle Shaun Rogers. In an offseason following a Super Bowl where a defensive line won the game, these players were likely to come at a high price, and Cleveland’s acquisition of two high class talents (with elite potential) on the front line could be the “quick fix” for a defense with a lot of holes. And hey, any chance to watch a fat guy run the length of the field gets a big thumbs up from me.

Yet I still think that the move that will make the Browns go from “cute 2007 story” to “scary 2008 team” is picking up Stallworth. This whole free agency period, outside of his leaving a perennial championship contender, the only mention made of Stallworth has been that 2007 was a year in which he languished in inactivity. Thankfully, someone noticed that this particularly narrow view failed to account for what Stallworth’s presence meant to every other receiver on the field, something I mentioned in my last offseason discussion of the speedy receiver. On the Browns, I’m prepared to say he can have an even greater offensive impact. Joe Jurevicius gets to move to his much more natural slot position, emphasizing his hands and his knack for working over the middle of the field. More importantly, Kellen Winslow will finally get the space over the center of the field that he’s lacked for his entire career (always good to see nice things happen to nice people), as safeties will have to pay attention to what Stallworth does on the sidelines (go back and look at how many of his touchdowns came as a result of safeties being out of position, giving Stallworth ample room to run after leaving his man in the DUST). Finally, recently re-signed running back Jamal Lewis will give his buddies in cell block A more highlights to cheer and potentially incite riots over, as the box is sure to be a whole lot emptier with defenses having to account for Stallworth’s presence.

And that doesn’t even begin to touch on how this affects Braylon Edwards, who was second only to Randy Moss in touchdowns caught last year. If Stallworth helped Randy Moss break touchdown records, there’s no reason to believe that he can’t do the same for a receiver who is equally fast, bigger, and has proven himself to be an even better threat in the red zone (Moss’s success comes from his inexplicable ability to create space vertically, something that Edwards can do without thanks to his size). Indeed, with Moss getting one year older, there may not be a more dangerous receiver to leave in single coverage in the AFC than Edwards, and Stallworth is certain to open up some mismatch opportunities for the fourth year star of the Cleveland offense. Throw in a quarterback who has emerged as one of the better deep arms in the league and an offensive line that seems to get better every year, and the question of how to stop this offense becomes one of the most difficult to answer in the upcoming season.

And the fact that we’re even toying with the phrase “The Unstoppable Cleveland Browns,” a phrase which inspires giggles in NFL circles the way the word “Penis” does in first grade classrooms, is a testament to how Stallworth is the most important pickup of the Cleveland offseason. If Derek Anderson can maintain form, there’s no reason to think that the Browns can’t do with their pass attack what New England did with theirs, and that team almost made history on the strength of their offense. “The Historically Unstoppable Cleveland Browns.” Hold on…I’m going to need a minute to sit down and collect myself after that.