PROFILE: FORGOTTEN NBA LEGEND PAT CUMMINGS

by Tbone, The Sports Hernia

Pat Cummings

Height: A very flat 6'9"

Weight: A wiggly 230 lbs.

Hair: Spastic

Teams: Bucks, Mavs, Knicks, Heat and Jazz (it's never just a couple teams with these guys)

Stats: Much like many of our other heroes, it was beyond the stat sheet where Pat Cummings made his mark. While 9.6 points and 5.6 rebounds are relatively respectable career averages for a league such as the NBA, it was his four illustrious years at Madison Square Garden with the Knicks where Cummings truly found himself. Playing alongside such impressive trainwrecks as Eddie Lee Wilkins, Rory Sparrow and Ken Bannister, it was nearly impossible to throw all the blame in one direction with so many disasters to choose from. Cummings perceived this to be a good thing as he would spend the coming seasons in New York continuing to do what he did best which was routinely get rejected by the rim, botch lay-ups, fall to the ground like a bag of bricks, and get tangled up with other awkward white guys.

Comparable athlete: Peter McNeeley; Jason Bateman

Shining moments:

• Cincinnati Bearcats alumni who wasn't a dickhead.
• Accused Tom Chambers of being gay.
• Battled chronic foot problems by wearing deftly disguised roller skates; sadly, his open court game somehow got worse.
  
• Famously yanked Rony Seikley's chesthair through his jersey during a heated practice, injuring the annoying center and thrusting himself into a starting role.
• Played three season for the Milwaukee Bucks and never became a serial killer.
  
• Member of the Utah Jazz 19 years ago and his coach was still Jerry Sloan.
  
• Despite desperate pleas from teammates, referees and fans with courtside seats, he defiantly refused to shave his armpits.
  
• Played on one of the shittiest rosters top-to-bottom that you'll ever see.
• Told Sherman Douglas he was fat.