THE PROPHET'S TUESDAY TAPOUT: SPECIAL FRIDAY EDITION

by The Prophet, ProphetFighting

I want to apologize for not getting the Tuesday Tapout up until late Thursday/early Friday but I've been busier than Paul Lynde at a Boy Scout Jamboree. As most of you know I've recently relocated to the Rose City aka Portland, OR. Portland is a great city but what I didn't expect is that they have an entirely different method of keeping time here. For example, its now 1 AM Friday morning on the East Coast but here in Portland its only 10 PM Thursday night! Crazy,huh? In addition to having to buy all new clocks since mine all ran three hours too late its really done a number on my biological clock. Anyway, we've got two big announcements in this week's edition so lets get right to it. Since the Tapout this week has something of a Japanese theme, here's a picture of the PRIDE girls....

THE PROPHET *AND* THE EC'S FEARLESS LEADER SICK!! IS BOB COSTAS TO BLAME?

First all, I want to send my get well wishes to our fearless leader Doug who's been under the weather lately. I'm not 100% convinced that there's not more to this story than meets the eye. Pretty strange coincidence that both I *and* the creative visionary behind this website gets sick right after that diatribe I wrote a couple of weeks ago entitled "Bob Costas is a douchebag"? Now I'm not saying that Bob himself is responsible or even capable of masterminding a biological attack against the Epic Carnival braintrust. I do know, however, that he has a cadre of vile henchmen under his control that are willing to do anything for their "master".

I don't have time right now to research this any further but let me make myself perfectly clear: Costas--you're in over your head here and writing checks that your tiny body can't cash. I can't speak for everyone here at EC, but you're not messing with a group of sycophantic Sportscenter anchor wanna-bes here that'll defer to your every whim and bow down in your mere presence. Here at EC, we're old school--not Ernie Hallwell and Vin Scully "old school" to evoke the name of two baseball icons who could play-by-play circles around your sorry ass on their worst day. We're "from the street" old school--I may come off as all urbane and sophisticated now but don't forget that I came up on the "mean streets" of Bountiful, Utah. Drive-bys were an every day occurrence, gang warfare was the norm and not the exception and as a result I don't play with fools like you. I don't know all of the details of our fearless leader Doug's background--he's really hesitant to talk about it for some reason. I do know a few things about him and they're not good and definitely not the background of someone you want to piss off, Costas. Remember the iconic Dr. Dre video "Nuttin But a G-Thing"? Remember at the very beginning when Dre's heading over to Snoop's crib and there's a few big O.G.'s pushing weight on the front yard? Our fearless leader Doug *is* one of those guys--he was supposed to go on tour with Dre and Snoop but he was simply too much of a violent madman for Dre's gang banger/thug associates to handle.

So I'm not going to warn you again, Costas. You're really too small for me to challenge to a street fight, let alone a fight inside a cage or a ring under MMA rules. But heed my words, Bob--we *know* you're somehow behind the recent illness of both myself and the master of us EC puppets, Doug. You're getting off lucky this time, Costas, but don't make the mistake of crossing us again. Among the very bad people I know are some retired jockeys who now run with a west coast biker gang called "El Poco Diablos". They're just the right size to come kick your ass should that become necessary. Don't push us...

NO POWER VACUUM AT THE EPIC CARNIVAL:

Despite Doug's illness I want to reassure the other Carnies and our readership that there is a steady hand on the helm. Those of you who are around the same age that I am recall when President Ronald Reagan was shot--in the hours that followed Secretary of State Al Haig reassured a shaken nation and simultaneously demonstrated his complete ignorance of the Constitutional process for eventualities just like the one at hand. Haig got a lot of heat for his attempt to assume power, but his heart was in the right place--he wanted to make it clear to our country's enemies both foreign and domestic that while President Reagan may have been temporarily incapacitated that we still weren't a country to be trifled with.

So until Doug fully recovers from his diabolical illness suffered at the hands of Bob Costas and/or his vile henchmen I want to paraphrase the words that Al Haig used to restore the confidence of a scared and confused nation: Until Doug is back to 100%, I'm the king ding-a-ling around these parts.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #1:

Here's the first of two big announcements. As most of you know, for the past couple of years I have been known as "The Future of Fight Sport Journalism"(TM). While I'm very proud of having been designated such, I'm of the opinion now that I've outgrown this sobriquet. The title was given to me with respect and awe, but now it only serves to minimize my significance to the world of fight sport journalism.

For that reason, I am voluntarily vacating my "Future of Fight Sport Journalism" (TM) title. The title will remain in "the family", however, as I am hereby awarding the "Future of Fight Sport Journalism" title to my associate Glenn Rockwell. Mr. Rockwell's work will be appearing soon on THE SAVAGE SCIENCE website and I may even approach him about posting here. Be looking for the launch of THE SAVAGE SCIENCE within a matter of days--it'll be the new home of both myself and the "NEW future of fightsport journalism" Glenn Rockwell as well as making the other MMA sites online look backwards and amateurish.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT #2:

Having vacated my "Future of FightSport Journalism"(TM) title I want to make this announcement immediately to forestall any sort of power struggle in the fight sport journalism community.

In April of 1989, NWA International Champion Jumbo Tsuruta defeated Stan Hansen in Tokyo. With the victory, Tsuruta won Hansen's PWF Heavyweight Championship and the NWA United National Championship thus unifying the top three singles championship in the All Japan Pro Wrestling promotion. The combined championships became known as the "All Japan Pro Wrestling Triple Crown Heavyweight Championship" and was quickly regarded as the most prestigious accomplishment in Japanese pro wrestling, if not worldwide. In addition to Tsuruta, the AJPW Triple Crown has been held by legends such as the late Terry Gordy, the aforementioned Stan Hansen, Mitsuharu Misawa, Toshiaki Kawada, Gordy's partner in the "Miracle Violence Combination" tag team Steve "Dr. Death" Williams, Kenta Kobashi, Big Van Vader and perhaps my all time favorite pro wrestler, The Great Muta.

I give you this background because as I spent the past few days conferring with fight sport journalism experts, heads of state and spiritual leaders from around the globe during the process of making this decision I had an important realization--I'm something of a "triple crown" champion of fight sport journalism. I'm considered a world class authority on boxing, mixed martial arts and professional wrestling. While there are other experts and talented journalists in each of these disciplines, none can claim my knowledge and credibility in all three.

For that reason, I am proclaiming myself the "Undisputed Triple Crown Champion of Fight Sport Journalism". As soon as Doug gets over his illness I'm sure he'll gladly volunteer $10,000 or so from the EC "belts, trophies and ribbons" budget to finance an appropriately impressive championship belt.

While I'll always be a part of the sports journalism donkey show that is the EPIC CARNIVAL, to see me at the top of my game you'll have to head over my soon-to-be launched MMA deathstar known as THE SAVAGE SCIENCE. It'll be launching in a matter of days, but for now head over and join our mailing list or our MySpace friends group. It'll be the ONLY place where you can enjoy the writing not only of "The NEW Future of Fight Sport Journalism" Glenn Rockwell, but yours truly--better known to the teeming masses as "The Undisputed Triple Crown Champion of Fight Sport Journalism".

WRESTLEMANIA PLAY BY PLAY COMING THIS WEEKEND (MOST LIKELY):

Assuming that my always balky Comcast cable PPV cooperates, I'll be doing a play by play of Sunday's WWE WRESTLEMANIA here at the Epic Carnival. I don't really pay much attention to the current WWE product, but I'll likely get it to watch the Floyd Mayweather/Big Show proceedings so I figured I might as well do the play by play here . That way those of you who are incarcerated, bedridden or just plain not smart enough to steal your neighbor's cable feed can follow the event. We'll get started up around 7 PM EDT, which I think equates to 4 PM EDT here on the west coast.

ELITE XC ROUND BY ROUND ON PROPHET FIGHTING THIS SATURDAY (maybe):

I might Tivo it and find something better to do on a Saturday night, but if not I'll be doing a round by round on the EliteXC card headlined by Frank Shamrock vs. Kung Le. It'll be over at ProphetFighting.com so check it out if you're so inclined...

PROPHETFIGHTING.COM--ELITE XC ROUND BY ROUND

And don't miss the forthcoming launch of the website that will do to the online fight sport journalism scene what the Death Star did for intergalactic political relations:

THE SAVAGE SCIENCE--MMA, MAYHEM AND MORE

And you gambling degenerates out there make sure to check out my associate Edo's website BetWWX.com--there you'll find all sorts of free plays, writeups, etc.

BETWWX.COM--FREE SPORTS BETTING PICKS

That's it for now...don't miss the Wrestlemania festivities this weekend...