THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF FEB. 24

by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation

Not a good week for Roger Clemens. Guess you can say March came in like a lion about to pounce on the Rocket. It appears 3 governmental units will be investigating Clemens: Department of Justice, the FBI and the IRS. Why not throw in the JAGs too?

Henry Waxman's congressional committee is remanding Clemens to the Justice Dept for investigation of perjury, although the FBI admitted that it started looking into the Rocket Juice too.

The first order of business would be to ascertain the photo of Clemens at Canseco's party snapped by a dad who says his kid is in the photo with Clemens. That might be proof of Clemens attending this party where 'roids were on the menu like barbecue.

The best proof came abreast of the news: word surfaced that Debbie Clemens and Jessica Canseco compared breast augmentation jobs at the party. If that doesn't increase everyone's testosterone, then they do need injections of something -- like B12 and lidocaine.

So Clemens may get busted by breast augmentation. Not to mention he has BALCO investigator Jeff Novitzky to deal with; Novitzky is interviewing Canseco about the party. We hope Novitzky is discussing Clemens, not breast augmentation.

Congress invited the heads of the professional leagues to pow wow on steroid and PED use. There is talk of new congressional laws concerning professional anti-doping laws. One 'entertainment' bigwig didn't show, however: the WWE's Vince McMahon flipped off the congressional hearings. Just because one of McMahon's stars killed his wife, his child, and himself doesn't mean the WWE and pro wrestling has a steroids problem...does it?

Last week we learned cheerleader use the juice. This week, a new book discusses gay use of 'roids. Appearance enhancement.

We also learned this week that the players in the Negro League did not use PEDs. No juice for Josh Gibson.

Lastly it is interesting that the government prosecutors who drafted the Barry Bonds indictment for perjury were told to stay after school, and draft a new indictment. Apparently didn't spell check it well enough. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays don't care about spelling, but might care about Bonds in their lineup.

However, we learned that in 2001, Bonds set a new record for testosterone level. A normal MLB level is 0-61; Bonds's T came in at 73. Interesting...