TOP 11 REASONS WHY MY FANTASY LEAGUE WILL BE COOLER THAN YOURS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Is this a desperate scheme to fill the last remaining slots in a first year league that's drafting on Saturday, March 29 in Central New Jersey, an easy train or car ride away from both Philadelphia and New York City? You make the call! (And email me at dmtshooter@gmail.com if you want in.)

11. We will pour a "40" on the ground in the memory of Gary Gygax -- word to the 20-sider, y'all

10. A live auction draft is the best way to take advantage of Yankee and Red Sox homers

9. Scantily-clad Big Board Girls to maintain the current rosters... and they are into each other, if you catch my drift

8. Keeper league action lets you get more than a one-year payoff for your correct sleeper pick

7. Championship belt is guaranteed to get you nooky (note: guarantee does not specify gender or prison situation)


6. Weekly moves prevents obsessive nerds from dominating the league

5. Entrance music and fog machine allows each owner to embrace their dorkhood to previously unknown levels

4. We're all remarkably stupid, so you're almost certain to win, honest

3. Post-draft poker game ensures a full day of wife-killing timewaste

2. A toilet in the same room allows you exceptional opportunities in "trash talk"

1. There Will Be Meat