DEAR FIELD

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Hey Guys,

I'm just curious why you guys showed up this week. I thought maybe you would have just taken the weekend off. We all know I'm going to win right. I just got out of the locker room from a jacket fitting session. They had to get me a slightly bigger size than the last time because as you all know my shoulders and biceps are now enormous. I contemplated getting a form fitting jacket like some of my shirts, but I opted to keep the nipples wrapped up and not piercing through my jacket as they sometimes do through my shirts.

Maybe I will let you guys feel including in my victory. How about I set up a little poll on Sunday for deciding what we are going to eat next year for dinner. I'll even include Fried Chicken as an option for Fuzzy. Would that make your trip to Augusta worthwhile? I just don't want everybody in the field to be entirely bitter about wasting 4 days of their life.

Hmm, maybe we can Rick Roll and/or punk Jack. That could get everybody involved. Hmm what could we do. How about if we jack his green jacket and spray paint it pink. So he can wear a pink jacket this weekend? No? Hmm, how about we spray paint Suckeye on his jacket then you know cause he is a Buckeye? Or how about the SEC is better? Any of those ideas good for you guys?

Whatever I'm trying. I just don't want you guys to get depressed when I beat everybody by 5 strokes. Well I do want some people to get depressed like that dickbag Rori Sabbatini. That guy is a douche.

There's Always Second Place,
Tiger Woods