FINALLY, A GIFT FOR THE STRIPPER THAT HAS EVERYTHING

by T, The Angry T

When Christmas or Valentine's Day rolls around, I never have a problem choosing a gift for my significant other. On Mother's Day, I know that mom will just love some flowers and a gift certificate for a manicure. But for the life of me, I can never figure out what to buy my favorite stripper when her birthday rolls around.

What do you buy a stripper? She already has some really tall, clear plastic heels. She has wigs, hair dye, make-up, and stripper perfume that will probably last through the next millennium. My favorite stripper has the leg strength to hold herself upside down on a metal pole for several minutes, so any exercise equipment would be completely unnecessary. My great idea last year was to buy my girl bigger boobs, but I'll be damned if she didn't upgrade to a solid 42GG, one week before her birthday.

But finally, after long last, I know what I can buy her. I present to you, the diamond thong. It's perfect for the working girl who wants to sparkle under the bright stripper lights. Sure, it's expensive, but can you put a price on the number of erections I would get if my favorite stripper were to put this on, and eventually take this off. No! Of course not!

Just think what else this breakthrough in underwear technology could lead to. Emerald G-Strings? Ruby Leopard V-Strings? Platinum high-cut control top panties, courtesy of Sears Women's Wear?

We live in exicting times dear reader, and everyday is more exciting than the last. Oh, this is a sports website? Okay then, imagine Kurt Warner's wife wearing a pair of these. Done and Done.