FLAME ON! WHO SHOULD BE CARRYING THE OLYMPIC TORCH

by Cuzzy, Cuzoogle

Okay this Olympic torch protest is getting serious. People are climbing the Golden Gate Bridge just to get ready for the flaming runner (pardon the pun) to show up on Wednesday. How does someone just climb a bridge anyways?

Meanwhile Monday, the last segment of the Olympic torch run through Paris was canceled after thousands of anti-China protesters repeatedly prompted officials to stop the procession, extinguish the flame and put the torch aboard a bus.

It is only April.

Can you say trouble?

When it comes to the Olympics and civil issues like Tibet, the protesters are of the serious nature. I am talking crazier than Duke fans and more insane than Red Sox nation. Yeah that is nuts.

International Olympic Committee president Jacques Rogge said he was "very concerned" about unrest in Tibet. No shit.

It is only going to get worse as the August start date nears.

Not to worry though because the problem can be solved. It is all about who you get to carry the torch. You need to recruit a group of people that can not only carry the flame but they can also kick some ass if anyone gets in their way.

Here is a list of seven worthy people to help continue the torch run.

God Speed.

1. Boba Fett - First of all he is just plain nasty, mean. If some protester gets in his way he will just mow them down with his laser gun. He is covered head to toe in armour and if all else fails he can just fire up the jet pack and fly to safety. The only drawback is that the IOC may not like a bounty hunter taking a leg in the grand race.




2. The Flash - Okay this one is really obvious. First he will be going too fast for anyone to even try and touch him. Second he can cover a lot of distance in a short amount of time. Downside, the flame will probably go out and that is what the protesters are trying to do in the first place.




3. Patrick Roy's kid - If he runs into trouble we all know he can beat on helpless people. Also being French he will really get into the cause with a fiery passion. His dad will be near, coaching him what to do and two Roys is better than one. Besides if one of the protesters does get to him, no big deal, he deserves getting creamed anyways. Look at that cocky face.




4. Tiger Woods - Yes use the most popular golfer in the world. Who is going to protest that?? He can hand out some of his new bottles of Gatorade that somehow has 25 more electrolytes than normal while he runs by with the torch in hand. If worst comes to worst he can use one of his well known fist pumps and knock someone upside the head.




5. Jessica Alba - Okay there is no real reason other than to just see her running on camera. I can hear chariots of fire music as she jogs in slow motion down a highway in any town U.SA.

Guess that kid better get popped out soon so she can sweat off all of that baby weight before the world sees her with fire in her hands.




6. Ron Artest - Oh man I can you just picture it. Artest with his posse surrounding him, wicked beats pumping out from a boom box and protesters all standing around memorized and wondering who the hell the giant black guy is. Of course this is assuming that the stage of the relay is not in the U.S.A.





7. The monster from Cloverfield - No idea what the hell that thing was but seriously who the hell is going to F&*$ with it. Maybe save it for the Tibet part of the torch relay.

Who do you think should carry the torch?