LORENA OCHOA IS ON A CRUSADE

by Sterling Gould, Staff Writer

A pretty good amount of you reading this caught this weekend's Masters. South African Trevor Immelman took home the first major of the season, holding off the world's #1 player who finished runner-up now two years in a row. Good stuff, but were any of you paying attention to the BIG NEWS this weekend?

If you're not familiar with women's golf (like, where you been dude?), Lorena Ochoa has become what some would call the hammer to the nail. When you talk about Tiger, yeah, the guy dominates the PGA tour. You might say that no one is in his league, and you'd be right. He has the golf media and other sports outlets on lockdown. But then you switch gears and talk about Mexican sensation Lorena Ochoa. She's got a stranglehold on the LPGA tour more secure than your Uncle Larry's grip on that cute 6 year old boy. She's been on tour since 2002 and has already accumulated 21 victories. Oh, and she also qualified for the LPGA Hall of Fame after her 11 stroke girl-rape she performed at the Corona Championship last weekend (Mmmm... Corona). She's the pride of Mexico right now and apparently women around the world?:

Monica Garcia, 30, and her husband, Luis Ortiz, were among the crowd and described themselves as “Lorena fanatics.” They bring their two children to watch her play each year at Tres Marias.

“She’s a role model for all Mexicans,” Ortiz said.

What? To go get a job and make something of yourself?... Nah, I'm just kidding. But really... get a job.

“And even more so for women,” added Garcia, her family’s only golf player. “She makes you believe you can do anything you want and be the best at it.”

Chill out there Seniorita. This is still the 21st century, not ALL women can do anything. Except work that stove. I swear, they got a knack for that shit.