THINGS THAT ARE MORE LIKELY THAN THE HAWKS UPSETTING THE CELTICS

by HP, Hardwood Paroxysm

IT'S OVAH BEFOAH IT BEGAINS! Celtics-Hawks will be a massacre. Here are some things that are you're more likely to hear than "The Hawks eliminate the Boston Celtics."

20. "Hey, look Peter King has a new column titled 'Brett Favre: Overrated Or Just Plain Bad?' "

19. "This week on "FrankTV": John Madden guest stars!"

18. Coming this fall, a new season of "FrankTV"!

17. "Oh, hey, look , Obama and Hillary are making out. Huh."

16. "Did you hear Will Leitch is going to be on Outside The Lines?"

15. "You read Simmons' new column? He picked the Colts to win the SuperBowl over the Giants."

14. "You know, that Pacman Jones feller sure has turned out to be a sweet guy."

13. "No, seriously, Chinese Democracy comes out next Tuesday!"

12. "It's so weird the Grizzlies' didn't get a top three pick. They usually have such good luck in these things."

11. "Man, it's really good to see the Lakers finally catch some breaks for once."

10. "LeBron just signed a twelve year extension with Cleveland!"

9. "It's good to see a nice girl like Britney turn her life around."

8. "Man, Adriana Lima really went downhill fast."

7. "I guess we should have expected the Magic to win the championship, really."

6. "I don't know if I've ever seen Jason Giambi and Coco Crisp make out before."

5. "Ron Artest has been announced as the new spokesperson of the American Mental Wellness Association."

4. "It's pretty clear the Giants have been the best team this year by far."

3. "Who would have thought that Kobe Bryant would win the MVP? He's been so underhyped this year."

2. "I'm glad to see the Bush team being so accommodating to the new administration."

1. "Nothing says winner like 'The Atlanta Hawks'."