TOP 10 ALLEGATIONS ABOUT ROGER CLEMENS THAT YOU WON'T BELIEVE (YET)

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

After allegations of the Rocket (heh heh) and his 28-on-15 sexual relationship with a country singer surfaced yesterday, my immediate reaction was (a) say what you will, but 15-year-old meth users are always hawt, (b) seriously, he couldn't get better trim than that, and (c) Clemens has officially entered the Britney Zone, where you can believe anything you read about him.

Or can you?

10. Fueled his post-Boston career not with steroids and HGH, but by consuming the dried remains of Hall of Fame pitchers

9. Speeded the decline and fall of Mo Vaughn by injecting the slugger with Twinkies in his sleep

8. His real name is actually Mark Twain

7. Had Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Stanley kidnapped and replaced by drifters; the real teammates were murdered, chopped up into cutlets, and served to his dogs

6. Imports a half dozen Guatemalan refugees every spring for horrific experiments, and insists that they all be called Duquette

5. Got Michael Vick interested in dog fighting

4. Perpetrated false allegations of Iraq having weapons of mass destruction prior to Gulf War II

3. After engaging in scat, water sports and other forms of ritualistic humiliation with Andy Pettie, never cuddles

2. As a child, never clapped for Tinkerbell; as an adult, never paid her

1. Soils hmself at the mere sight of Dave Stewart