TOP 12 LITTLE KNOWN MASTERS TRADITIONS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

12. Tiger Woods backs up his stated belief that women should be allowed to be members at Augusta by playing in the tournament and saying nothing further

11. Gary McCord fights that same course official who always comes up to him and says "bikini wax"

10. Hootie Johnson pays a sex worker to look like Martha Burk and do awful, awful things

9. Jack Nicklaus goes to Amen Corner in the middle of the night and pays his annual blood sacrifice

8. Chris Berman tells anyone who will listen why the tournament shouldn't really be a major

7. Fuzzy Zoeller hosts the Champions of Racism dinner with a menu of fried chicken, collard greens, and soul-crushing sadness

6. Course officials lengthen the holes for the pre-tournament Par 3 event

5. Honorary starter given his own vulture and shroud

4. Low amateur is given a big cardboard check for a large sum of cash that, cruelly, has no endorsement signature

3. Golfers who are not Tiger Woods secretly bitch about how green jackets look so gauche

2. Coverage with limited commercial interruption is managed through the use of subliminal advertising that tells the viewer that Exxon-Mobil is not only the best gas for your car, but also knows where you live and can have you killed for no good reason at all

1. Tiger Woods spares the eldest son of his rivals who smear ram's blood on their hotel room doors