TOP 12 WAYS IN WHICH THE SEAHAWKS' RELEASE OF SHAWN ALEXANDER WAS DIFFICULT

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

"This was an extremely difficult decision." - Seahaks GM Tim Ruskell on the release of Shawn Alexander

In reading that, I was left with only two possibilities.

1) Ruskell has better things to do than watch game films of his team, or

2) He's the granddaddy of all liars.

Seriously, I knew Alexander was D-U-N, and I live 3,000 miles away. When your team goes to the backup fullback (Leonard Weaver) as the speed threat instead of the one-time MVP and single-season touchdown record holder, the only "difficulty" in the decision is when you kick yourself in the ass for not doing it sooner.

But for those who refuse to take either Door #1 or #2, here's a list to satisfy your Hawk Lust. (You filthy, filthy person.)

12. Had to break the news to Alexander's remaining fan

11. Without Steve Hutchinson handy, the release had no chance to break through into actual public awareness or interest

10. Just couldn't decide whether to can him by phone, fax, email or stripper-gram

9. Fistfight among team personnel over who got to tell him only stopped by very long rock-paper-scissors final

8. Using the same podium as Mike Holmgren requires a man to be able to speak while gagging on the stench of raw fish

7. Ruskell is the kind of man who spends days in the supermarket deciding between various brands of canned goods

6. Not sure when to kick off the Epic Julius Jones - TJ Duckett - Mercury Morris battle for the right to disappoint fantasy league geeks

5. Ruskell had Alexander in his fantasy team as well, and has been trying to move him for months

4. Wanted to release Alexander in a manner consistent with his play -- fumbling, tentative, and with the speed of a somewhat agile zombie

3. Kept trying to take Alexander aside to tell him, but he kept falling over at the slightest touch

2. Know that as soon as the ink was dry on the release, Ricky Watters would be on the line demanding his old job back

1. The memories of... what year did he score all the touchdowns again? -- are too fresh