IS THERE ANYWAY TO EXILE BRUCE BOWEN?

by Sterling Gould, Staff Writer

I'm being very honest when I express this: I really like the NBA playoffs. A lot. If you've ever read lots of my work, I typically stick to college and pro football, and college basketball. I dabble in the pro game, but I get lost in the regular season. I love staying up late at night, turning on TNT (watching how TBS is "very funny" commercials), ESPN, ABC, your mom's channel just to catch some late night basketball. Every game is a new story line, and it's pretty sweet to look at all the teams in the playoffs and you know most of their roster and the make-up of the team.

Oh, and everyone's collected hate of the San Antonio Spurs and how completely unattractive and boring they are. Fundamental basketball? Covered. I could practically become a master of the pick and roll with how often they run that play with Parker and Ginobli. Greg Popovich's scarred right cheek is borderline horrifying. You'd think a guy that's a coach for a successful franchise would blow some dough to get that fixed. Or maybe he likes looking like Twoface? Maybe it's intimidating? All I know is that patrons are warned before every game to "not feed Quasimoto: Before, During, or After the play of tonight's game." But most of all, I want "Defensive Genius" Bruce Bowen to go away. I won't say the guy can't play pretty stout D, it's true. But what's up with all the extracurricular bullshit? Hittin' dudes in the jewels? Driving knees into backs? Stepping on down players? The guy has a pretty clean record by most NBA player "standards", but the guys a dirty player. I wouldn't mind it too much if he was shipped to outer space on a "Space-Wide NBA Program" without a suit. Or have his hands chopped off for research purposes. Actually, do you think scientists would accept things so filthy?

Nah, me neither.