NO RAY, NO WAY

by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

Ray Allen's face appeared on a Boston Area milk carton this morning.

Those with Celtic Pride are wondering where in the hell Jesus Shuttlesworth has gone.

The Big 3 is down to being a Dynamic Duo and after being extended to 7 against Atlanta and Cleveland, P-Double, KG and everyone else who longs for success in Boston should be really, really nervous right about now.

Let's backtrack a little to start.

Boston went to seven games in Round One... with Atlanta.
The Atlanta Fucking Hawks!
You know, that team that has been perpetually putrid for the last decade?
Those guys took Boston to a seventh game.

Then came LeBron.
Not LeBron and the Cavs.
LeBron.
Alone.
Sans assistance.

The King took Boston to a seventh game, one in which he poured in half of his team's points and nearly single-handedly led his team to victory.

Thankfully for the C's, the guy who has been there all along stepped up to match LeBron shot for shot and cemented a second seventh game win in this year's playoffs with the ugliest foul shot this side of Shaq. CLANK!

Now comes a rested and tested Detroit team.

The search for The Real Ray Allen needs to move double time, because if the Celtics think that the Dynamic Duo and those other guys are going to get them beyond Bad Boys Version 2.0, they're dead wrong.

Balanced scoring.
Pesky defense.
A viable bench.
Six straight Eastern Conference Finals.

That is what Boston has staring them in the face.
They also have a six-game road losing streak serving as the elephant in the room.

Yes, they have home court over the Pistons. But these aren't the unproven Hawks or LeBron and Four Walking Stiffs coming into the Whateverthehellit'scallednow Bank Gardens.

These are the Detroit Pistons.
This is Deeeeeeeeeetroit Bas-ket-ball!

Winning on the road might not be needed, but production from Ray Allen will be.

Too bad he's missing.