TECMO BOWL'S GREATEST RETURNER SET TO BATTLE FUTURE'S TONYA HARDING

by Gibbs12, YepYep

Last week, roid-burger Jose Canseco announced that he’d pay anyone $5,000 to step inside the ring with him on July 12. Not surprisingly, thousands of meatheads across America applied and only one was chosen. Who, you ask?

Vai Sikahema.

Yes, Tecmo Bowl/RBI Baseball/Contra generation, that Vai Sikahema. The one that zigged and zagged from sideline to sideline for 105-yard kickoff returns in Tecmo Bowl.

He was special teams cool and weird-name-tastic long before Devin Hester and TJ Houshmanzadeh. He's Napoleon Dynamite's uncle:

The book-by-its-cover scouting report favors Canseco, who is about 6 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than the Philadelphia Sportscaster (who dresses much less gay).

However, Sikahema trumps Canseco in the "real" experience category, having defeated a Philly Radio DJ in a celebrity boxing match earlier this year and assaulted a goal post after a return TD many years ago:

Things to expect from this fight:

• No steroid testing
• Zero knockdowns
• Big Olympic-style headgear
• Sloppiness
• A rematch
• Canseco's only knockout of the day is on a drunk guy who calls him the next Tonya Harding