TOP 10 REASONS WHY SEN. ARLEN SPECTER WON'T LET SPYGATE DIE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Since the War in Iraq is going so swimmingly, needs to do something to occupy his time

9. Wants to promote a "magic bullet" theory that explains every Patriot victory

8. Specter's cancer is making the paranoia centers of his brain go into overdrive

7. Coincidentally, Anita Hill is a Patriots fan

6. Compensating for his childhood spent playing the clarinet and caving into religious nutbags

5. Hoping to increase his PR image among the country's right-wing non-Patriots fans

4. When he subpoenas Putt-Putt competitors just doesn't get the same amount of press

3. Considers every day that he isn't discussed on WIP Sports Radio to be a day wasted

2. Promised TO's ring by Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie if he can somehow get the result of the Eagles Super Bowl overturned

1. Being blackmailed by Gregg Easterbrook, who has photos of him with a live boy and a dead girl