TOP 10 REJECTED IDEAS FOR SPEEDING UP MLB GAMES

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Limiting Nomar Garciaparra to six tics

9. Keeping the Yankees' exploitation of 9/11 down to five minutes of mawkish discomfort, instead of the current 20

8. Cutting back the copyright notice copy to "We completely own your ass, and can do anything we want"

7. Bringing back the bullpen cart (gas is just too expensive)

6. Requiring players to run to first base on walks, Pete Rose style

5. Putting fat-ass umpires on any kind of diet, so they can waddle out to the dish in less time

4. Teaching more front office personnel that patient hitters are Billy Beane-loving homosexuals and communists

3. Make MLB personnel actually watch game tapes inreal time, with no laptops, PDAs or groupies

2. Shooting Tony LaRussa is his swollen, elongated, one pitcher for one hitter head

1. Cutting down any of the extra between-innings commercials that have been multiplying like cancer cells