Epic Carnival: TOP 20 THINGS THAT I'D TRADE FOR THE SYRACUSE MEN'S LACROSSE TITLE

Monday, May 26, 2008

TOP 20 THINGS THAT I'D TRADE FOR THE SYRACUSE MEN'S LACROSSE TITLE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Today, my alma mater (Syracuse University) won their 10th national men's lacrosse title, defeating Johns Hopkins 13-10. Nearly 50,000 people turned out to watch the Orange take out the Blue Jays, who have to be commended for taking out those Not Ever Guilty Dukies.

And as much as I'd like to bandwagon on the title (Suck it, you inevitably wealthy doctors!), I just find myself, um, willing to trade in this title for any number of other things. Such as...

20. A crisp $1 bill

19. Netflix sending my DVDs a day early

18. My morning train being on time

17. No line at my morning bagel guy's cart

16. A truly satisfying bowel movement

15. Any kind of link or comment for this list, or failing that, a pissed off Anonymous comment, hopefully from some lacrosse gomer

14. My kids going to bed without protest

13. Nice weather

12. A good new Web site for porn

11. A nice piece of fruit, maybe some cantaloupe

10. Getting a good parking space

9. The Spurs losing in the playoffs, with Mssrs. Horry, Ginobili or Bowen whining hard

8. Any kind of steel chair shot to any ESPN personality (with video)

7. Boston Fan crying about, well, anything

6. An A's, Sixers or Eagles win (playoff, regular season, exhibition, or just getting a guy back from the disabled list)

5. A PS3 with GTA4, and the month of free time that I'd need to get to my usual cheat code-aided 40% complete

4. An NBA playoff season without heavy rotation commercials for a TBS series that I'd rather stab myself in the eye than watch

3. A violent, tranny-hooker involved scandal and/or death involving Jerry Jones, Bill Belichick, Terrell Owens and any amount of Fox NFL management or personnel

2. A Sixers, Eagles or A's championship in my lifetime, and before I've got Alzheimer's, a cryogenic head, none or gray hair, no interest in current movies or music, and pills to ensure the correct execution of routine bodily functions

1. A functioning "Star Trek" style holodeck, with full tactile controls and full computer knowledge of my filthy, filthy tastes

4 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Top 1 ways DMtShooter has outed himself as a non-athlete:

1. This post

E Intrater said...

your a fucking idiot. congrats cuse on doing well in the national spotlight and bringing home a title. this blog sucks and obviously the writer is a joke if he write articles like this

DMtShooter said...

Yay! I got my wish for a pissed off lax honk!

Brian P. Foley said...

I actually attended the final four and had a great time...Should of came up to Boston...We could of had some drinks.


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