WATER IS STILL WET

by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

Joakim Noah was arrested for possession of marijuana over the weekend.

In other news, water is still wet.

You can't honestly admit that this comes as a shock. Do you not remember Noah at the Draft last year?
The hair?
The bow tie?
The peace sign while shaking hands with The Commish?

In honor of this thoroughly unshocking development, we here in The Great White North would like to present some other non-athletic achievements by athletes that shouldn't surprise anyone.

Pacman Jones in a Strip Joint Altercation
I know he told Commissioner Iron Fist that he was going to stay away from the Titty Bar, but Mike Vick also told him to his face that all those dog fighting allegations weren't true. Oh and Pacman has already broken that promise once before.

Mike Hampton on the Disabled List
Elbow problems? Fine.
Strained pectoral muscles caused by spitting out sunflower seeds? Serious talent.
Mike Hampton has spent Ryan Howard's entire career on the Disabled List. Think about that...

OJ Did It, Part 1
When you crawl in the back of a truck and get your friend to keep driving with that many police cars following in behind you, you're not just going for an early evening drive. Besides, Cedric the Entertainer admitted OJ did it and Cedric don't lie.

Steve Howe: Suspended
During the late 70's and early 80's, there was a lot of cocaine traveling through baseball clubhouses. Steve Howe consumed about 37% of it. You could almost set your watch to a Steve Howe suspension.

OJ Did It, Part 2
There is no way that OJ Mayo didn't take money while at USC. Not even a glimmer, despite what he has said publicly since the story broke.

Cincinnati Bengals Getting Arrested
Bengals getting arrested became such a routine occurrence a couple seasons back that it stopped being the lead story on the evening news. They'd toss it in there after the weather, just as they were wrapping the show. "And finally, another Cincinnati Bengal was arrested last night for a DWI. Jay Leno is up next. We'll see you tomorrow."

Rafael Palmeiro Never Used Steroids. Period. Except that one time...
Maybe Roger Clemens should have watched Raffie's Senate hearing speech a couple times before he trekked up the hill, because the two sounded awful familiar and that isn't a good thing for The Rocket. When you're that locked in about something, you're usually lying. Tell me I'm wrong?

Honorable Mention: Oscar De La Hoya likes dressing up in lingerie