WHAT'D YOU SAY MR. ED?

by Isaac, The World of Isaac

Allow me to delve into the world of horse racing for a minute. Its admittedly a sport I don't understand. And admittedly, a sport I don't care about.

In fact, 99% of Americans don't care about it unless some horse is going for the triple crown. Oh yes, those three races that are supposedly the biggest but yet, not a single person outside of horse racing could tell you where the Preakness or Belmont stakes is located.

But that's not what bothers me about horse racing. That's not what really irks me about this sport.

"On Monday, hoof specialist Ian McKinlay treated the three-quarter inch crack, stitching it up with stainless steel wire. "

Of course, this is in reference to Big Brown, the horse that is going for the Triple Crown. He had a crack in his hoof and he had to get it fixed, so they called

A Hoof Specialist

What exactly does a hoof specialist do? Do they just focus on horses hoofs, or can they do donkeys and stuff too(That's what she said)?

And aside from the utter hilarity of telling people that you're a "hoof specialist", I found this line from Big Brown's trainer amusing

"He might look better."

Um, wait can we back up for a second here. You're telling me that a horse cracked his hoof and he got some stainless steel wire attached to it and he looks better?

Again, I'm no horse expert but isn't a hoof the equivalent of a human foot? I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I cracked my foot and somebody attached wires to it, I probably wouldn't go around telling people I looked better....

But to me, this is the kicker. This is the ultimate in stupid sh** from horse racing

"I felt him going to the track was not only good for his conditioning, but also good for his mind," Dutrow said of his decision to get to the track earlier rather than wait a day. "He's been kind of aggravated. He don't know why he's not going to the track. He just doesn't understand why he's not doing it. And we can't explain it to him. So we let him go out there today and take the edge off of him. He's just getting too rough around the barn."

It seems that the trainer has confused reality with the Mr. Ed show.

The horse can't talk. The best Big Brown can do as far as communication is concerned is maybe nod his head or make a sound. Hell, I'll even accept him taking a huge dump as him telling you that last nights dinner wasn't acceptable.

So I don't know how you conjured up any of that stuff. "He was aggravated and we can't explain it to him"

You can't explain it to him because he's a horse you dipsh**.

As far as being rough around the barn, I would feel remissed if I didn't add the most obvious cliche to it. I mean, its almost like you are begging people to say....

"So there was some horseplay going on in the barn?"

Yes, I know, awful.