DEAR BROOKLYN

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Dear Brooklyn,

Alright Brooklyn, it's time for you to wake up. When I created you I gave you some tremendous assets. I fully expect you to mate with a big time winner and create children whom I can mold into more perfection. So its time that you drop the chump. I mean look what I gave him and how he's utilized it. I made him able to hit the ball 150 miles an hour. 150 miles an hour, that's like a friggin jet. And yet he sucks, he can't win, he gets dominated by Federer every time they match up and he just lost to this chump. I made him so that he could take part in the next Revenge of the Nerds movies (man I love those flicks) and yet what I created as a supposed alpha male can't get it done. You need to move on. So I'm going to give you superior options.

Marat Safin: Hey if you want to stay in the tennis circles move onto Marat. A) He has more majors, B) He's way more fun, C) He's just as much a mental train wreck yet in a cooler way.

David Eckstein: Ya he's an ugly dude and ya ayou probably weigh more than him, and ya the only way he's satisfying you in bed is with his tongue (the member matches the body). But the dude is a worker and with no skills at all he's better than douchie Roddick.

Todd Bertuzzi: Hey some people say what he did was completely classless and perhaps a sin. I thought it was Natural Selection.

Santonio Holmes: Did you see the snake I gave him? Burmese Pythons would be scared of that thing.

Brett Myers: The man knows how to treat a lady... now. Before he wasn't so good.

You know what, enough with the list. Just dump the Roddick chump and find another athlete to take advantage of the wonderful assets with which I have given you. Just please make sure it isn't this guy either.

The Creator of Heaven, Earth & Your Rack