DEAR MR. DENTON

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Dear Mr. Denton,

I have recently come across the knowledge that your Senior Editor the well respected Will Leitch has decided to hand over the reigns of Deadspin the a new editor of your choice. I would like you to know that I am the man for the job.

Answer Some of These Questions for Yourself

1. Who has been the most chronicled sportsman during the time Deadspin has run?

2. Who is the Deadspin Audience constantly interested in?

3. Would You Rather have someone with Access or Without Access?

4. Do you want someone with first hand experience of how to deal with Sexual Harassment suits should they arise?

5. Do you want someone with premium tested management skills?

6. Do you want someone with an eye for talent?

7. Do you want someone who can optimize payroll?

8. Can You Find Someone Who Can Offer You Every One of these Questions?

Now Let Me Answer These Questions For You

1. Isiah Thomas.

2. Isiah Thomas, people are keenly interested in him.

3. Yes, stories about athletes having sex with their intern in a Hummer always sell copy.

4. Yes, it comes in handy.

5. Of Course. With a load of new writers for Deadspin you need someone who can lead and turn Deadspin from a winner to a champion.

6. Of Course. If you can't bring in talent you won't have good material.

7. Of Course, you don't want to spend more money than you have to.

8. Yes. That man is me, Isiah Thomas. I am the man for the job. People are interested in me. I have some access to professional athletes, but given my current situation being locked in a basement not to much access. I have proven experience as a manager of leagues and franchises. And I find talent. I brought Eddy Curry to New York, I brought Zach Randolph to New York. These guys have talent. I know how to work with payroll. That's why the Knicks are so set up for the Salary Cap over the next few years. And mostly I know how to turn things from Winners to Champions. Just look at the success of the CBA.

I'm your man. I am the perfect Deadspin Editor.

Future Pulitzer Prize Winning Blogger,
Isiah Thomas