DEAR MR. STERN

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Dear Mr. Stern,

Hi Mr. Stern my name is Jimmy O'Hurley, but you can call me typical shit bag little Boston fan, I've got older f'n brothers so ya I fackin swear, deal with it my parents encourage me. Like yesterday I told my teacher she must be related to Rusty Kuntz cause I can here her gears grindin every time she fackin walks to the chalk board. Any way back to the fackin point.

I'm an 8 year old from Framingham, MA and I am so super fackin pumped that the Celtics who have sucked dick my whole life are in the finals against those cock smoking lakers and that douche bag Kobe (what a filthy rapist bitch). I only like winners winners winners. So I've hated the Celtics for the past few years but I'm happy that you told Kevin he had to trade KG to the Celtics to make them good. But I've got an issue with you.

See despite my parents encouraging me to tell my teachers to go to hell and to name myself little shit bag Boston fan they're fackin tools and give me a f'n bed time. I know it's bullshit I'm fackin 8. I can't buy porn but I fackin look at it on the internet all the time. Why the bed time? Who knows maybe they think I'll be rowdy if I don't get sleep. I think its bull shit and thats why I punched my moms in the face last night. But ya they shackled me down so I missed the end of the game.

So, Mr. Stern how about we start the game a little fackin earlier. My mom can only take so many punches before I knock out a tooth. Who the fack cares about the west coast? Fack them. East Coast Bias all the way. Boston is the center of the Universe. We know this. How about we start the game at 8? We got a deal?

We better have a deal. I'm gonna kick your fackin ass if we don't.

Stop Bein a Douche,
Jimmy from Framingham