DOES MOISES ALOU CHEESE?

by Isaac, The World of Isaac

What? Like you don't know what Cheesing is?

Alright, let's travel to those street savvy intellects at UrbanDictionary.

Cheesing

Verb

To become high by way of snorting or sniffing cat piss. Cheesing can cause a psychedelic trip where the person cheesing visits a fantasyland where they get to fornicate with the boob princess. Trey Parker and Matt Stone discovered the miracle effects of cheesing.

If thats not enough of a quality explanation for you, this tutorial from a recent South Park episode should do the trick.....



So what the hell does any of this have to do with the venerable Moises Alou?

Well, forget Steroids folks. Forget HGH and any other Performance Enhancing Drug out there.

Moises Alou has been cheesing.

Yes, indeed. Moises Alou has been up close and personal with Cat's private parts and sniffing their piss. I mean, it only makes sense right. Let's look at some of the hints Moises has dropped over the years.

In a 2004 Interview with ESPN, Alou revealed a strange love for urine

Alou says the secret to hitting without batting gloves is to harden your hands and prevent calluses. One of his methods might win someone the prize money on the TV show, "Fear Factor." He urinates on his hands. That's the honest truth. Alou said he isn't sure where he learned this distasteful folk medicine, but it wasn't from his famous father. And it works for Moises.

So now, we already know his infatuation with human pee, so what has stopped him from moving to Cat Urine?

That's right. Nothing!

Another side-effect of Cheesing is to pretend you're in fantasyland. And lately, Alou has been saying stuff that makes us all think he might be in FantasyLand. If you recall, Alou was quoted in a March article absolving Steve Bartman of any blame in that infamous 2003 game....

"Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, 'Bartman! Bartman!' I feel really bad," Litke quoted Alou as saying in March. "You know what the funny thing is? I wouldn't have caught it anyway."

But after a recent Cheesing episode, where Alou reportedly took out a whole litter of cats he said he was misquoted

"I don't remember that,'' he said, according to the Post. "If I said that, I was probably joking to make [Bartman] feel better. But I don't remember saying that.''

He went on to say that he would have indeed caught the ball had it not been for fan interference.

See folks, this is what Cheesing and drugs does to you. It makes you forget things you've said, it makes you deflect blame from yourself, it makes you say things people just don't understand.

I, for one, am appalled and am calling for a congressional investigation into baseball players cheesing.

Anybody got Arlen Specter's number?