DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF FATTY

by T, The Angry T

These are the kind of scientific studies I can really get behind. Why shouldn't it take years of research to determine that men lower their standards in one-night stand situations? Hopefully the money for this study was ripped from the hands of the education system. I want some kid in inner-city Baltimore to have to read a European map that shows U.S.S.R and East and West Germany so I can be told be a "scientist" that women shouldn't feel flattered when a guy takes them home from the bar.

The study is not completely without merit, however. Take a look at the numerous funny statements from people trying to be scientific:

Among the findings: Women were not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term beau, but because they felt flattered by the overnight proposition.

They were mistaken.

As the researcher points out, men lower their standards when it comes to one-night stands, so the presumed flattery is a fantasy or close to it.

And...

"Often [women] said things like, 'I felt so flattered, so happy that he found me attractive. It was so nice to be wanted,'" said researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England. "What women don't seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand."

She added, "No woman should be flattered because a man wants to have sex with her once."

And...

Women have much more to lose, while men are in a win-win situation. For the ladies, a baby on the way is a huge responsibility, but a guy can just bail.

("Just bail"? Was this article written by a 15 year old girl. You work for the AP lady, get it together)

And the morning after...

Women predominantly reported "regret at being used," with additional comments including: "I felt cheap," "horrified afterward," and "I felt degraded. Made myself look cheap and easy. Total regret."

Contrary to popular belief, women said they didn't view casual sex as a prelude to a long-term relationship.

"It's not that they wanted the man to whisk them off and marry them," Campbell told LiveScience. "It's that they wanted the man to understand that they weren't like this normally. That they were doing this for him on this night as a particular event."

Listen ladies, you are cheap and easy, and so are the dudes that are hooking up with you. Who wants to be expensive these days? Not me, I can tell you that. So, go with it, feel cheap and easy and look for me at the bar the next time you go out.