PREPARE FOR EXCELLENCE DOUBLE-A FANS!

by Sterling Gould, Staff Writer

Good news out of Mississippi for fans of the Atlanta Braves. Or for fans who enjoy blowing wads of cash for a false sense of hope and displeasure (like... transsexual hookers). Atlanta Braves cu...err... heat slinger Mike Hampton will be making his second rehab start for the Mississippi Braves on Wednesday night against the Carolina Whothefuckcares. A wordy mascot name, but "Tuscan Raiders" had been copyrighted by Lucas Arts (Star Wars... motherfuckers). And you all thought there would be no baseball during the "All-Star Break". Ha! I scoff at you.

Mike will be sure to release all of the left-handed power to prove he's still "got the stuff". Like a curve that'll most likely drop him as opposed to the ball and a fastball topping off at a speedy 75 MPH. Anyways, as you could probably tell by my tone, I've got a vendetta against Mr. Hampton. You know, something about throwing $120 million dollars at a strained vaginal muscle can make any fan sour. Or want to beat the shit of your General Manager. But I can't be that upset with John Schuerholz... can I? If this isn't hard hitting journalism, I don't know what is.