PREVIEWING THE 2009 CELEBRITY SOFTBALL GAME

by GMoney, The Money Shot

I'm not going to lie to all of the fine Epic Carnival readers out there...I like the Celebrity Softball Game played over the All-Star break. It only takes up an hour of my time, the announcers are having fun, and rich people completely embarrass themselves. This year, other than the former baseball players, we got a heavy dose of New York natives when it came to the celebrity portion of the rosters. Who could ever forget that picturesque double-play executed by former Yankee, Billy Crystal, and Whoopi Goldberg?

But, alas, it's time to turn the page on this year's game (8-7 win by the NL, at least they win something!). Next year, the All-Star game heads to St. Louis for some high-humidity action. It's time to take a look at the potential Missour-a celebs that could be participating in this event in 2009.

Scott Bakula - Major League: Back to the Minors anyone???
Linda Blair - she can mimic Luis Tiant with only her head
Don Cheadle - Hope he keeps that God awful British accent of his at home
Jenna Fischer - I totally want to touch her
John Goodman - have you seen him recently, imagine if Mike Golic was tied to another Mike Golic
Eddie Griffin - All-Star week needs some anti-white humor
Don Johnson - Nash Bridges!
Brad Pitt - if he takes a break from adopting kids/donating sperm
David Koechner - Champ Kind!
Vincent Price - I don't care if he's been dead for 15 years
Burt Bacharach - Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Burt Bacharach
Chuck Berry - just keep an eye on him when he's in the bathroom
Nelly - face band-aid is optional
David Cook - for the kids

Wow, this truly could be a star-studded affair next year. Ah, who am I kidding? The celebrity all-star game peaked in 1994 (with me in attendance) when the great Meat Loaf was PWNING the competition. It will never be the same. Nothing could ever top Bat Out Of Hell destroying Pittsburgh. But I'll still watch and hope that one day Mr. Loaf will once again take the field.