TOP 10 UNANSWERED OLYMPIC QUESTIONS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. With the Greeks giving us the marathon, the Russians giving us the biathlon, and the French giving us the sprint from past wars, when are the Iraqis going to be recognized with their own event?

9. Will the more expensive aspects of these Olympics be knocked off and re-sold to America at Target and Wal-Mart?

8. Given that the purpose of swimming is to travel through water quickly, aren't the different strokes the aquatic equivalent of competitive pud pulling?

7. If the Chinese start losing, will they send in the tanks, and if so, won't that help the ratings?

6. If someone really has a hankering for dog, is there a particular breed that's tastier than the rest?

5. Can some underaged gymnast please break something while competing, so that we can feel that compelling mixture of awe and shame?

4. Just how much sex is going on in the Olympic Village, and is it true that 95% of it involves male athletes from Islamic states trying to deny Israel's right to call them in the morning?

3. Have they done away with those tiresome events yet, so that the entire telecast time can be composed of moving feature stories?

2. Since the countries that we now consider Evil Incarnate have no real Olympic presence, and this thing exists purely as a substitute for war, why do the Olympics exist?

1. Is it over yet?