CHEERLEADER NFL SEASON PREVIEWS: ATLANTA FALCONS

by Simon, SimonOnSports

We here at EC feel bad for fans of the teams with no hope, so instead of doing a serious football preview, we will show pictures of some of your cheerleaders and ask 'them' questions.

Brooke

1. Why don't you brush the hair out of your face?
I feel that at least in the case of the Falcons that I am much better at cheering when I can't see either the score or the actual gameplay. I get very depressed.

2. Are you happy Matt Ryan is starting?
Well Joey Harrington is more feminine than me, so ya.

3. Who's your coach this year?
Uh, Mike Smith but I don't have any idea who he is.

4. How many TDs does Warrick Dunn score against the Falcons this year?
Hmm probably 4.

Good Twin Melinda

1. So are you optimistic about the 2008 season?
Of course I am. We have a great young quarterback in Matt Ryan who played with bad talent in college and will play with bad talent in the pros. He got it done in college, well kind of, and he will get it done in the pros.

2. So what round should people draft Michael Turner in Fantasy Drafts?
Definitely the 2nd, he's gonna be great this year. We have no receivers to throw the ball to, so he's going to get the ball all the time. He might score all the teams touchdowns.

3. Will the Falcons be better now that purged the entire roster of Hokies?
Well of course. Jimmy Williams was a pot head. DeAngelo was an overrated trash talker and well Michael was just not very nice.

4. What do you think the Falcons record will be?
According to Charlie from All Dogs Go to Heaven, the Falcons should win the Superbowl after going 15-1.

Evil Twin Kelly

1. What could the Falcons do this season to make the playoffs?
Sell their souls to my master, Satan.

2. Which All Time Great Falcon Would Help Out the Team More? Chris Chandler or Jamal Anderson
Well concussions are always funny.

3. What went right for the Falcons in the 2007 season?
Are you kidding? Everything. Bobby Patrino is a great servant of the Devil's.

4. What do you think the Falcons record will be?
Assuming that Satan's Stepchild Michael Vick gets his way and Matt Ryan breaks both femurs on a freak tackle, they will go 0-16.

Tina

1. Why so Glum?
They don't pay me enough for this shit.

2. But aren't you pumped about Michael Turner?
Hooray we have the best backup running back in the league. We're definitely going to the fucking superbowl now.

3. So what's good about being a Falcons Cheerleader?
Umm, well we play the Saints this year and Shockey is always good for 3 bottles of Grey Goose at the bar.

4. So what is your ideal scenario this season?
I get traded to a playoff contender.

Shawna

1. Why are you so happy?
I saw Tim Tebow in the stands. Maybe he can play for the Falcons next year.

2. Are you sure that's it?
Well I'm also pretty pumped that John Abraham isn't injured yet.

3. What else gets you excited about this season?
Jason Elam, woo I love good kickers and since they probably won't score any tds Elam will be fun.

4. Anything Else?
I kind of just hope Jamaal Anderson does the dirty bird if he gets a sack, I used to love that.