FROM THE DESK OF MIKE MARTZ...

by Andrew, The Grand National Championships

They will sing songs write books about this season. The magic that I am going to perpatrate upon these so-called suckas is going to be scary. Flat out and pure Hellraiser shit, am I right?

Right. Everybody's cracking wise upon the situation at quarterback. But you know what? I make the mediocre excellent. J.T. O'Sullivan will be my greatest victory ever. He has the physical gifts that Jon Kitna and Kurt Warner just don't have. And he's been learning at my feet for years. It doesn't matter that it's a rookie, the Reverend, and Bryant Johnson at wideout. He has Vernon Davis. They shall make each other superstars.

And did you know that the philistine before me didn't give Frank Gore twenty touches in a game but thrice? It's, as they say stupid, and when I say stupid, I do not mean stupid fresh...and they call me prickly and unlikeable!

I've had to deal with worse offensive lines, this is one that's passable. Jon Kitna prayed every day to get a line like this. It can make Frank Gore great and J.T. good. This is an offense that's gonna shock the world.

As defenses go? It doesn't matter. Kentwan Balmer, Jimmy Volmer, Arnoold Palmer, whoever can be their #1 pick. It does not matter. My offense can make them special too. Though Patrick Willis? He is the truth.

This offense can heal the tensions in South Ossetia, and this offense gives the 49ers the division. Bank on it.

Love,

Mike Martz