TOP 10 NEXT CAREER MOVES FOR MICHAEL PHELPS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. A dramatic amount of poon, followed by a long slow slide into significantly less poon

9. Crank calling Mark Spitz in the middle of the night while giggling

8. Dramatically ineffective ads for sponsors that don't call back

7. Hundreds, if not thousands of casual acquaintances flocking to be his wingmen

6. Voting for himself in a lot of polls as to whether he's the best American athlete ever

5. Failing to live up to expectations in 2012 London Games, no matter what he does

4. Gaining an awful lot of weight the moment he stops training, since he eats like some kind of old school Pac Man

3. Becoming increasingly bitter over the lack of a professional swimming league or traveling road show

2. Counting and polishing gold medals and weeping

1. Fifty to sixty years of slow decay and fade until his obituary, which you can more or less write now