TOP 10 REASONS WHY SHAWN MERRIMAN IS GOING TO PLAY WITH TORN LIGAMENTS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Chargers linebacker and noted steroid achiever Shawne Merriman has decided to play this season despite two town ligaments in his left knee. The three-time Pro Bowler consulted four doctors before making the decision, and has been told that he could suffer a career-ending injury if he attempts to play without surgery. What were the factors in his decision-making?

10. An annoying Army general with a mustache told him he couldn't, and that made Shawne very, very angry

9. Refuses to let anyone think he isn't as tough or dumb as Phillip Rivers

8. Has already made enough money in his career for a lifetime supply of rawhide chews, so he's good with the possible income loss

7. Norv Turner told him to get the surgery

6. Drafted himself at IDP in his fantasy league (in the first round, naturally)

5. Has a charming, child with sick puppy-like faith that if something bad happens, the team will help

4. Wants to make LaDanian Tomlinson feel like an even bigger pussy for missing last year's AFC Championship

3. Doesn't want to be accused of starting an EA Sports NFL Tour cover jinx

2. Thinks that the best way to get a big free agent payday is to show he can play not just hurt, but also permanently crippled

1. "Lights Out" doesn't just refer to his hitting style