"Look at the attention I get: It's because I throw a football. But that's what society values. That's not what God values. He didn't invent the game. We did. I have some eye-hand coordination, and I can throw the ball. I don't think that matters to God." -- Patriots QB Tom Brady in this month's Esquire10. Brady's ability to work with sinners like his coach, his wideout, his safety and his (extremely racist and puling) fan base
9. The willingness to be fruitful and multiply with beings that are pleasing to His eye
8. His role in fulfilling the fervent prayers of so very many football fans in last year's Super Bowl
7. The way he looks in a Stetson (hey, God isn't all-seeing just for the ability to look at *ugly* things)
6. His ability in this off-season to not call down thunderbolts of karmic vengeance, unlike that Favre schmuck
5. The humility he showed when he was backing up future punchlines Brian Griese and Drew Bledsoe
4. Fumbling in a manner that made Al Davis finally realize, once and for all, that things aren't going to go well for him after death
3. Not getting all freaked out when the stigmata appear
2. The tender pity screws that he gives to Andrea Kremer, Bridget Moynahan and Peter King
1. His charming inability to realize the epic screw job that the Almighty gave him last February makes future jerking around even more fun
Subscribe to the Epic Carnival
1 comment(s):
Don't forget about his beautiful jaw, piercing blue eyes and deep love for baby goats.
Post a Comment