TOP 12 REASONS WHY THE BEARS WENT WITH ORTON OVER GROSSMAN

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

12. When Orton takes an unnecessary sack, he's less likely to fumble

11. Just can't give the ball to a man that Ron Rivera referred to as "kind of a mental midget"

10. Incompletions are less harmful than interceptions

9. Sexy Rexy is hot, but even he could not deny the power of the Neck Beard

8. Orton is 25, while Rex is 28, and that three-year difference will really be important when both men are out of the league in two years

7. The track record of useless quarterbacks from Purdue is slightly stronger than the track record of useless quarterbacks from Florida

6. Bears just wanted less exposure on Kissing Suzy Kolber

5. Coach Lovie Smith is one of those guys that likes to take bandages off hair by hair, which means he's more of an Orton kind of guy

4. Orton reminds the coaching staff of franchise all-time great Sid Luckman. Unfortunately for Bears Fan, Luckman's dead

3. Orton's underthrows are less likely to get Devin Hester killed than Grossman's overthrows

2. Replacing an incompetent game manager QB with an incompetent gunslinger is much more exciting for team that's failing in mid-season

1. Because while a solid turd is disgusting and not conducive to winning, it's better than a sloppy pantload of wet work