TOP 12 UPCOMING SUMMER GAMES SCANDALS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

12. Javelin, shot put and hammer throw contestants to all get the same null score when projectiles hit the "air"

11. That wrestler that refused the bronze medal isn't going to get a WWE contract

10. The French team doesn't actually know how to swim, and has just been using cleverly concealed engines in the armpits and groin

9. Multiple distance runners will sneak across the infield in the middle of races, under the theory that no one will be able to see them through the pollution anyway

8. That super-cringe inducing Weightlifter injury was ordered by NBC to boost the ratings for its Web sites

7. American NBA players now actually trying, which is, like, totally unfair

6. All of the events were actually completed a year ago

5. The little girl that was pretending to sing has already been sold into slavery for dishonoring the country

4. Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and Hilary Clinton to allege the NBC won't sell them ad time for their presidential campaigns on the telecasts

3. Not every Tibetan resident and Chinese dissident is a principled non-violent innocent

2. All of the gymnasts are underaged, forcibly anorexic, and startlingly uninspiring between the sheets

1. Some female athletes, despite what you have been led to believe by the sports blogosphere, are not good for masturbation