Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: A LESSON IN HAZING

A LESSON IN HAZING

by GMoney, The Money Shot

Is it just me or are today's youth getting dumber? In New Mexico, there is currently a battle going on in the community of Las Vegas regarding hazing on the Robertson HS football team. Apparently, some upper classmen used broomsticks to sodomize the younger members of the team. Ouch, freaking ouch. I guess a few of the coaches may have known about these acts as well and now the town is torn divided. Either way, this isn't good.

I played high school football. I was hazed as a Sophomore. I returned the favor as a Senior. The circle of life...wheel keeps spinnin'. The key to a proper haze is not to break someone's spirit with say...a wooden enema. No, it's about the general annoyances that don't cause too much harm and are subtle enough that if the victim tells on you, no one really cares. So, allow me to give you some pointers for the best possible haze from my experiences:

1. Punt Block - Stand a few feet away from the target and punt the ball into their ass.

2. Backwater - In Ohio, it gets damn cold toward the end of the season. Spraying some young punks back down with a bottle of water is always hilarious.

3. The Cheap Shot - You're playing against the scout team. The whistle hasn't blown yet. Go knock someone's head off that isn't paying attention.

4. Walk Of Shame - Extremely juvenile but steal somebody's towel from the shower and make them walk through the locker room nude.

5. Doink The Clown - Same as the punt block but you throw it at their head as hard as you can and see how far it bounces off of their helmet. Always hilarious.

Do you see? Hazing isn't about pushing the envelope, it's about being a dick! Don't try to re-invent the wheel, just go with the old stand-bys like making someone eat a worm. There's no need to get someone's anus involved. When you get urine, feces, sperm, etc. involved, you're just asking for trouble. Stupid kids.

2 comment(s):

MoonDog said...

Good post dude. Having played high school and college ball, I know about being hazed - and giving it back.

High school was actually worse. We had to crawl on our hands and knees from our locker room into the occupied girls locker room. That was actually kind of fun.

In college all we had to do was sing, and I brought down the house with my rendition of "Cheeseburger in Paradise."

But doing something as completely stupid as these kids did - that goes way beyond the acceptable. I'll post a link to this later.

Anonymous said...

In high school I was hazed so I returned the favor. The PE kids had to share a locker room with us so we took their clothes and made them try to get them back. Always fun. And there was a freshman we ducttapped to a bench in the locker room and he was there for 10 minutes into the next class. Hilarious! I'm sure he's still trying to forget the stuff we did to him


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