NFL PREVIEW: ARIZONA CARDINALS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Greetings, Cardinal Fan! Of course, that's a theoretical greeting, in that I know you don't really exist. Given the decades of utter incompetence you've suffered at the hands of the Bidwells, and the fact that the only creatures that are actually originally from Phoenix hail from prehistoric times, we all know the score. You all come to the games because you are rooting for your old town teams, or because you just really do love seeing the occasional pro team when they come visit. Now, let's delve into those familiar lovable clowns in the home laundry, before you all have to go head off for the 3pm dinner special down at the best restaurant in town (i.e., the ones where you can get both kinds of mashed potatoes, lumpy or runny).

Offensively, the Cardinals are intriguing and overrated, because they provide Fantasy Goodness at the Wide Receiver level, enough touchdown opportunities in short yardage to make people think that Edge James is still a football player, and the continuing Quarterback Carousel of old with flashes and a care whether he wins or loses (Kurt Warner) and young and trustafarian (Matt Leinart). In a deep enough draft, you'll be calling a Phoenix resident six times, almost as if they were a real live team.

Because of this, many people are convinced that the Cardinals are always On The Verge Of A Breakthrough, because dammit, the NFL is all about some terrible team rising through the rubble and making the playoffs every year. The problem is that this betrays a fundamental lack of perspective about what they are (and yes, you can cue that evergreen Dennis Green rant here)... a team that can put up big numbers against bad teams, or rack up some points when the game is in Garbage Time... but one that can't score when it actually matters, and doesn't take enough care of the ball to get over the hump.

Cardinal Fan needs to enjoy the Fitzy and Boldin show while they can, since the money and reality of today's game is that they won't have both of them for much longer. Boldin, the more possessiony of the two, spent the summer agitating for a deal. There is no clear #3 to step up and take his place, so expect the Cardinal passing numbers to take a hit... next year, just in time for the running game to be a hair better. That's life in a treadmill, folks.

The end-of-playing life issues for Kurt Warner present another mixed bag. His accuracy is strong, and he'll give you the occasional 400+ yard day that will make everyone sit back and remember The Greatest Show On Turf days in St. Louis. (He's also a great Draft Low and Sell High candidate: move him around Week 4, and you will have gotten the best moments of his season and the most satisfaction when he falls apart later.) But he'll also hold on to the ball too long and fumble when hit. Last year, the man supplemented his above average interception rate with eight fumbles, and he wasn't even the full-time quarterback.

Adding to the trouble is the running game. It's a chicken and egg of suck, in that Edge James doesn't seem to have a burst left, and the offensive line can't seem to create any hole that isn't from a surprise draw. Maybe Tim Hightower comes to save them from themselves, but this is a franchise where old running backs come to die (Emmit Smith, James) while young ones go on to have careers somewhere else (Thomas Jones, Michael Pittman, Garrison Hearst).

On defense, the Cardinals are always athletic and usually out of position. The linebacker of record is Karlos Dansby, who can put a hurting on people in coverage. The secondary has a couple of reasonable pieces in Adrian Wilson and cornerback Rod Hood, in that they normally worse he second slot. But again, they don't get the stops they should, even when the other teams in the division are routinely terrible.

The schedule does not favors. They get the NFC West and AFC East -- 10 games where they should be just over .500, but the last six games get them the NFC East (not helpful at all, really) and Minnesota and at Carolina. It's not good, it's not bad, but at least three of the last four are at home, when the desert temperature should prove a huge difference.

But when you put it all together, what you have is another season on the treadmill for the Cardinal. If it were my team, I'd give Hightower every chance to take the job from James, have Leinart killed in broad daylight in front of the younger players to give them a powerful object lesson as to the dangers of pissing away your career, and hire armed thugs to go through the stadium and pound on people wearing enemy colors, so that in another 10 to 20 years, we might have something approaching an actual homefield advantage.

But if I were to do all of these things, I couldn't possibly be Bill Bidwell, part of the rich manure that has provided three cities of Cardinal Fan with plenty of motivation to go find another team to root for. Just like their spiritual brethren in other sports (the Clippers in the NBA, the Rangers in MLB), the presence of this noxious owner means that the fish is stinking from the head down. See you next year, Cardinal Fan!

Prediction: 8-8, 2nd in the NFC West.