Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: TOP 10 NFL TEAM FANS THAT AREN'T REAL HAPPY RIGHT ABOUT NOW


by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Browns Fan. Prime time's favorite team is now 0-2 despite a stumbling performance by the road Steelers, and the state of Ohio is officially Ben Rothlesberger's bitch. Both losses were at home, in games that showed a dramatic lack of fire and enthusiasm. They might be the best team in the state, but they don't look like they are going to be playing any well-viewed games in January. Oh, and nice clock and game management at the end of the first half in tonight's loss. Good grief.

9. Rams Fan. In terms of showing the least amount of resistance to any kind of force, the Rams have shown less gut than a runway model, and about a tenth of the tenacity. Special props for falling apart at home against a disinterested Giants team, and for QB Marc Bulger suddenly looking like he has less interest than being an NFL QB than Vince Young. (Oh, no, I went there again. I'm a terrible, terrible person. And you, too, for agreeing with the sentiment. Feel bad about yourself, dammit!)

8. Jaguars Fan.
The trendy pre-season dark horse pick to go to the Super Bowl in the AFC couldn't hold a lead at home against the immortal Trent Edwards and the vaunted Bills offense. It's one thing to make the excuse that they were down three offensive lineman -- and they were -- but quite another when you can't keep a third-down back (Fred Jackson) from gashing you for 83 yards on 7 catches. The AFC South looks down this year, but the Jags don't look they are going to be any kind of a factor.

7. Bengals Fan. This ranking is tempered by the fact that they probably didn't have any expectations coming into the season to begin with, but man oh man, weren't they at least supposed to have a quarterback in Carson Palmer? After today's 16 for 27, 134 yards and 2 pick stinkathon, they might be wondering if Jon Kitna is available. Or Akili Smith.

6. Lions Fan. Why yes, Jon Kitna is available... especially after back to back touchdown passes late in today's tilt against the Packers. Unfortunately for Kitna and the theoretical Lion faithful, both passes were to the guys in the wrong laundry, and what might have been a stirring comeback suddenly turned into a 48-25 laugher for the surging Pack. When Dan Orlovsky replaces you, regardless of the score, it's not a pretty picture... and that hot start in 2007 is a long, long time ago. Oh, Jebus, why hath thou forsaken Jon Kitna?

5. Chargers Fan. Two straight gut punch losses to start the year is bad enough, but today's -- with Denver punking them on a blown ref fumble call and a 2-point conversion to give them a 39-38 win -- is the kind of loss that can really haunt a team. By the way, we're just about due for LaDanian Tomlinson crying in a press conference, given that the #1 pick in every fantasy football draft had 12 touches for 40 yards today, compared to Darren Sproles getting 9 for 125 and a touchdown (plus a return TD). Somewhere, Shawne Merriman is laughing, albeit at a Bazooka Joe comic. And Marty Schottenheimer is buying people drinks.

4. Chiefs Fan. In three weeks, Chiefs Fan has seen four men throw the football, none of them in a manner that you'd encourage. They've also seen a home loss to a team that got 55 yards from its starting quarterback (Jemarcus Russell, who is making Raider Fan think wistfully of the Daunte Culpepper Era). Larry Johnson is looking only slightly less spent than Priest Holmes or Christian Okoye, and if anyone still has faith in coach Herm Edwards, they must be related. At least the Vikings don't seem any better off with Jared Allen, and you'll always have a grateful nation's thanks for crippling Dreamboat Brady.

3. Vikings Fan. Today's loss to the Colts was out and out theft by the visitors, who spent most of the game getting punched in the mouth without response. At least the fans at the game didn't have to listen to NBC analyst Dan Dierdorf chide the crowd for booing starting quarterback Tarvaris Jackson, who seems downright afraid of the red zone. When Ryan Lopngwell finally missed, the door was opened for the Colts, who came back from 15 down with 17 minutes to play, thanks to a wild Anthony Gonzalez to Reggie Wayne lateral play that set up the first Colts touchdown. I especially liked the high definition footage of Vikings Fan crying into his fake long yellow curls. Since when did Vikings Fan get into cross-dressing?

2. Jets Fan. The only .500 team on this list had their coronation moment in the AFC East crushed by the relentless game management styling of Matt Cassel (16 of 23, 165, nothing of any interest) and a six-headed running back attack that produced 104 yards and the unrelenting hatred of anyone who thought the Patriots might give you some fantasy goodness from the backs. Put this one solely at the feet of franchise savior Brett Favre, who threw an awful pick for the game's only, and crushing, turnover. J-E-T-S- JETS JETS JETS Fan can't even boo, since if they do, Saint Brett could, you know, retire. This is going to end ugly, folks.

1. Texans Fan. They've got bigger problems than football, folks, but if the Saints Experience is any indication, they'll be fine. Click here and do a solid.

6 comment(s):

World of Isaac said...

lions are trash

Tracer Bullet said...

Nothing for the Saints who got crushed under the juggernaut that is the Redskins offense?

DMtShooter said...

The Saints are still unbeaten in their division, and probably win a road game if not for a tip drill pick. Doesn't make the top 10.

Jen said...

As a Saints fan, I haven't got reason to get angry YET. Sure yesterday was BS, but at least they've won a game and Reggie is sucking way less.

World of Isaac said...

jen, I thought you were a jets fan

you are jen sterger aren't you?

Daver said...

Brad Childress is dumber than a bag of hammers for starting the season without a QB.

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